Four-year-old: Dad, look, it's part of the Empire State Building!
Dad: Oh yeah?
Four-year-old: Yes. Over there, see? (points to a building in downtown Brooklyn)
Dad: Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
(moments later)
Four-year-old: Look! I can see the cranes!
Dad, pointing down at construction site: Yeah, and look at all that junk.
Four-year-old: What junk? Oh yeah. That's a junkyard!
Dad: It looks like one, doesn't it?
Four-year-old Yeah, it looks like one. And it is one.
–F Train
Overheard by: Tricia
Five-year-old boy: When I was three I saw you naked.
15-year-old brother: When I was three you weren't here.
–Pool, Red Hook
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
–D Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
Metalhead #1, holding ice cream with fruit punch stain: Shit, am I bleeding?
Metalhead #2: Uhhh… No.
Metalhead #1: Then why is my ice cream red?
Metalhead #3: Dude, you're eating ice cream and drinking Hawaiian Punch.
–Irving Plaza
Overheard by: A metalhead
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #1: Yo, I think that cricket said somethin'
(cricket chirps)
Angry-looking woman #2: Hold on, I think that bitch is sayin' some shit!
Angry-looking woman #1, looking for cricket: You wanna start somethin? Nobody be talking shit about me.
Angry-looking woman #2: Let's fuck this bitch up.
–Roosevelt Island
Teenage girl #1, looking at kid in cute Star Wars costume: Oooh, look at that kid!
Teenage girl #2: Oh, so you're a pedophile too?!
Teenage girl #1: No… I don't have to touch them.
–NYC Comic Con
Younger sister: Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! I saw Justin Bieber over there!
Older sister: Justin Bieber sucks.
Younger sister: Yeah, Justin Bieber sucks…
–Park Slope
Chain-smoking guy #1: Yeah, that didn't work out for you last time.
Chain-smoking guy #2: Worse for her, I didn't have a vacuum stuck up my twat.
–62nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Squirrel
Girl: What kind of fur can we use that is only shaved and doesn't hurt the animals, like shearling, and not skinned?
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Anonymous
Man to ladies: So, I walk in the room and I see one guy shaving the other guy's balls.
–Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: CandyPerfume
Guy to girl: I just shaved my balls and now I'm itching all over.
–Houston St
Overheard by: pubey-free
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
