WASP man: Yeah. I suffered in jail for 16 years with my first wife. My second wife died of cancer after 5 years. I’ve been married to this one a year and a half…Two out of three’s not bad; if this were baseball, I’d be making a mint.
–A train
Overheard by: Lia
Bag lady: Hey, you guys, can you help me out? I’m really hungry!…You need a dye job, you know! Your roots are showing.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Drew
Woman: So they’re paying the kidnappers child support? I mean I know they want to support their child, but where is the money going? To those crazy people.
–L train
Overheard by: Kelly Marie
Girl #1: Randy won’t stop coming on my face.
Girl #2: …Are you going to finish your bagel?
–Waverly & University
Overheard by: S.A.F.
Hipster guy: I’m doing two 7th graders at a time now.
Girl: The same two?
Hipster guy: Naw, I couldn’t stand those little bitches; these are their friends or something…and I don’t even have to take my guitar.
–Elevator, DUMBO
Teen boy: Somewhere out there…someone is getting laid.
–Empire State Building
Woman on cell: Caviar? Nigga, ain’t no caviar in Harlem.
–57th & 8th
Teen girl: God, you are so self-conscious sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
–A train
Overheard by: Niki
Chick: She’s like a human Muppet…But not sexually.
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Overheard by: John Auld
Guy #1: So that Egyptian baby girl with two heads died. A brain infection from when they removed the extra head.
Guy #2: Is this real or from the Weekly World News?
Guy #1: No, it’s real. The extra head could only smile and blink.
Guy #3: So the extra head could give head…It had a use…Ha, ha, ha!
Guy #1: You are really a sick motherfucker.
–51st & Lexington
