Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Um, That’s Ethan Hawke.

Mother: Put your shirt back on, or I won’t take you bowling.
Son: Am I funny, Mom?
Mother: No, honey, you’re strange… like that homeless man there.

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ed

Posted on February 24, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gripes, Homeless, Moms, Sports

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

Posted on February 20, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Liars, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Store, Students, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

You’re Not Worth It. We Spit in Toronto’s Coffee Now

Barista guy to girl wearing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you doing in this city? You don’t belong here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ignoring me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sorry, did you say something?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talking about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, whatever. You didn’t spit in my latte or anything, did you?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Snooper

Posted on January 31, 2008
Assholes, Baristas, Customers, Girls, Insults, Sports, Starbucks

Psh, Like the Fans Matter

Guy #1: And where did you go to high school?
Guy #2: [Names high school.]Guy #1: Wait, where are you from, again?
Guy #2: I’m from just outside of Boston.
Guy #1: So, you’re a Red Sox fan?
Guy #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Asshole.

–6 train

Overheard by: Fellow asshole

Posted on January 5, 2008
Guys, On the Subway, Sports

Hey, Sports Fans, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl: When I lived in Miami is when I really got into ice hockey.

–8th & Mercer

Black guy to white friends: Yo, Mets got no ‘rithmetic!

–63rd & Queens Blvd

Conductor over PA: Well, fuck me! Either we go bowling or we don’t go bowling!

–R train, 5th Ave

Drunk girl: I’d rather change my vagina into a penis than be a Devils fan!

–Ranger Game, MSG

Conductor: Welcome to New York’s Penn Station. This will be the last stop. Today has been declared ‘Be Nice to a Met Day.’ If you see anyone in a Mets jersey or t-shirt, be nice to them. They’ve had a rough couple of weeks.

–NJ Transit

Posted on November 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sports, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Hardly Counts

20-something guy: I’ve never been to a professional sporting event.
Girl: Really?
20-something guy: Well, except for the Orioles…

–Freddy’s Bar, Dean & 6th

Posted on October 7, 2007
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Guys, Sports, Time

The Best Wednesday One-Liners We Could Get Under the Salary Cap

Girl in OSU shirt: I, like, didn’t go to Ohio State, but I still cheer for them because I grew up in Columbus. Still, I don’t see why most people cheer for schools’ teams they never went to. Like, I know so many people that cheer for the Eagles, but it’s not like they went to Eagles School or anything.

–2 train

Overheard by: Dice To That

Water guy: Ice cold water! Get your ice cold water for one dollar! [Guy walks by with Red Sox hat.] Two dollars for Red Sox fans!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Bronwyn

Tourist girl: Strawberry Fields? Isn’t that, like, a song or something? Or is it that baseball movie with the ghosts?

–Central Park, Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Erin

Jersey thug: If my job was to be Mr. Met, I’d just caress young bitches all day.

–Shea Stadium

Little boy to father, who’s flipping through sports section: If you do something really bad, but you play sports, you won’t get locked up!

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Overheard by: CEF

Posted on October 3, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sports, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

I Like to Root for the Underdog

Teen tourist #1: Let’s go, strangers!
Teen tourist #2: Isn’t that, ‘Let’s go, Rangers’?
Teen tourist #1: Oh, I never got that.

–Penn Station

Posted on May 24, 2007
Penn Station, Sports, Tourists

I’m Totally Getting a Beeping R2D2 Vibrator

Gym chick #1: I ran a whole half-hour today.
Gym chick #2: A whole half-hour?
Gym chick #1: Yeah, you know why? ‘Cause Star Wars was on and it was so good I couldn’t stop watching.

–YMCA, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jedi Master

Posted on April 23, 2007
Girls, Gyms, Movies, Sports, Talking/Convos, Time