Students

Wednesday Flatliners

Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.

–Williamsburg

Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.

–Penn Station

Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: J Harmony

Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?

–8th & 34th

Overheard by: Bret B

Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.

–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea

Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mickey

20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!

–Washington Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.

–UA School of Music and Art

20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Pedro

I Generally Also Have to Be Awake…

NYU girl #1: You're smoking again. You're a smoker.
NYU girl #2: No I'm not! I only smoke when I'm stressed out in New York.
NYU girl #1: (blank stare)
NYU girl #2, realizing: Shit.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: …shit.

Or Maybe That Was “Don't Use a Hotplate in Your Bedroom.” Hmm…

Catholic schoolgirl #1: I think I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend tonight.
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Well, you know… you can't use a condom.
Catholic schoolgirl #1: Really?
Catholic schoolgirl #2: Yeah… they taught us that in school, hello?!

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jessa

…I Think I Look Sexy in Blackface.

Professor: So… basically you're asking me pointers on how to not be a… racist?
Student: Um… No?

–New School University

Do We Have to Wait for College to Experiment?

High school guy #1: Dude, you look so hot today!
High school guy #2: Seriously, dude?
High school guy #1: Yeah, man. If we were gay, I'd so do you!
High school guy #2: I thought the same thing about you.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Robert

…It's Giving Birth to a CD!

Girl to group of students: The hard disk is like the motherboard of the computer.
Boy in group: Oh!

–NYU Kimmel Center

“Wear a Cardigan Like the Other Grandmas!” I Tell Her.

College dude: No, seriously, she tries to dress like you.
Hippie girl: You think?
College dude: Yeah, but she can't pull it off because you dress like a hipster. In fact, any attempt she makes is futile.

–Computer Lab, Pace University

Overheard by: Conformity is Futile!

…Why Do You Think I Moved to New York?

Trendy undergrad #1: You should read “Dry.” it's by the guy who wrote “Running with Scissors.” it's when he moves to New York and becomes an alcoholic.
Trendy undergrad #2: Great–I love fucked-up shit.

–16th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jaded Grad Student

But Would It Help If You Knew That “Cocaine” Was the Name Of a Hooker?

Old hobo sitting on sidewalk to grad student: Hey man! You want some cocaine?
Grad student: No, thanks man.
Old hobo: Alright, have a good night.
Grad student: You too.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tee hee :)

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