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Woman: So ummm, what do you think about this painting?
Man: I can’t believe you said I kiss exactly like my brother!
Woman: I love Monet, he uses such vivid colors…
Man: Yuck, now it feels like I’ve kissed my brother as well!

–The Met

Tween girl: It so smells like London out today.
Hippie chick: What does London smell like?
Tween girl: Really damp.

–10th St & Greenwich

Overheard by: Intimidated by children

Midwood girl #1: Hey, where is Maryland anyway?
Midwood girl #2: It’s in D.C. somewhere.
Midwood girl #1: Oh, right.

–Flatbush bagel shop

Overheard by: Ford Madox Hueffer

Girl: Guys, I saw a doppelganger for Justin Case today!
Guy: Yeah me too, his name is Justin Time.

–Virgin, Union Square

Jock #1: Mine is five inches!
Jock #2: Hah! I got you beat! Mine is about four inches.
Jock #3: Yeah? Well, I beat both you dudes. Mine is only two inches!

–W 112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Christopher Stone

Girl: How old is that guy?
Guy: Who, Bono? 40, 45.
Girl: Oh, and where are they from, England?

–7 train

Overheard by: Jack Kennedy

Old lady # 1, crossing the street: Will you help me?
Old lady # 2: Yeah, yeah — I’ll help you.
Old lady # 1: I am very drunk.
Old lady # 2: Yeah, I drank a lot, too.

–78th & York

Overheard by: I hope I’m still getting drunk when I’m that old

Old White man: I have never seen a mother treat a child in such a way.
Latina mother: Dude. You don’t even want to fuck around with a crazy bitch from the Bronx.

–4/5 train

Overheard by: Taryn

Man: How do you get suspended on the first day of school in first grade?

–Lobby, Madison & 27th

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: Adam Bertocci

Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!

–M14 bus

Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!

–14th between 5th & University

Overheard by: theNJl

Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.

–Starbucks, 27th & Park

Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson