Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lily
Loud tween girl: Did you know that I drank wine when I was a baby?
Friend: Huh?
Loud tween girl: Yeah! I drank wine when I was a baby. Did you know that if your mom drinks wine when she's pregnant, then you drink it too? My dad told me. He's a doctor.
Friend: Well, I drank beer once.
Loud tween girl: I tasted champagne on New Year's. But yeah, I drank wine when I was a baby. I probably got drunk!
–M23 Bus
Overheard by: I'd like a glass of wine right now
Whiny tween: Daddy, I just got hit in the eye.
Yuppie dad: Oh! You did? Who hit you in the eye?
Tween and mom: Mommy did.
–Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Andrea
Tween boy, interrupting conversation with German girl: Wait! Do you live near the autobahn?
German girl: What?
Tween boy: The autobahn. It's like the parkway!
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Tween boy #1: He's such a douche!
Tween boy #2: Yeah, totally!… What is a “douche” anyway?
Tween boy #1: I think it's an old Dutch woman.
–6th Ave & 4th St
Overheard by: Lezbotron
12-year-old boy #1: So, how tight do you wear your underwear?
12-year-old boy #2: Not that tight. I mean, I wear like boxers.
–34th & 5th
Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.
–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building
Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.
–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway
Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!
–Queens
Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.
–Astor Place
Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard
12-year-old boy #1, holding tomato: What should we do with this?
12-year-old-boy #2: It's our tomato. We can do anything we want with it… Except have sex with it.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Avi
Tween girl #1: That Britney Spears perfume smells like slut.
Tween girl #2: I know! It smells like my mom!
–Canal St
Overheard by: ouch
Tween: Mom, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
Mother: What are you?
Tween, starting to sob: Stupid.
Mother: What kind of stupid?
Tween: Ten flavors of stupid.
Mom: And don't you fucking forget it!
–Battery Park City
