Cashier: That’s $1.50.
Drunk: You’re killing me, man! Hey, do you know if the liquor store’s still open?
Suit: You don’t?
–10th St & 4th Ave
Cashier: That’s $1.50.
Drunk: You’re killing me, man! Hey, do you know if the liquor store’s still open?
Suit: You don’t?
–10th St & 4th Ave
Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!
–45th St
Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.
–Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Vincent L.
Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.
–23rd & 3rd
12-year-old hood rat #1, taunting three 20-ish bike riders at red light: Yeah, you ride that bike.
12-year-old hood rat #2, laughing: Yeah, fuck you! Ride that bike!
Biker girl: Yep, we’re riding our bikes [light turns and they ride off].
12-year-old hood rat #3: There they go.
–Dean St & 3rd Ave
Black hipster #1: Hey, remember ugly-ass Anthony from back in high school? I saw him on the R train the other day.
Black hipster #2: Does he still look like the Predator?
Black hipster #1: Yeah, but with male pattern baldness.
–Union Square
Girl to friend: Man, every time I pass this place the people sitting outside talk shit about me.
Outdoor customer to friend: Check out those ugly boots.
–13th & 3rd
20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.
–Astor Place
Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.
–NYU Library
Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!
–14th St b/w 7th & 8th
Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.
–Angelo's Pizza
Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?
–Food Coop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Jenny
Guy: My dream is to fart into a bullhorn.
Girl: Wow — reach for the stars!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Lucy
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m excited to come up and visit you, but I heard your school has a lot of STDs. Should I even bother bringing my cock?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…
–110th & Central Park West
Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris
Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: seat 12 section 23
20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Liz
Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.
–Q67 Bus
Overheard by: Kate
Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!
–Little Italy
Boyfriend: Baby, that was amazing last night.
Girlfriend: I know…
Boyfriend: Really. that was the best head you ever gave me. Easily in the top five.
Girlfriend: Top five ever? Or just from me?
Boyfriend: Um…
Girlfriend: Who was better than me?
Boyfriend: That’s a ridiculous question. There’s no Platonic ideal of blowjobs.
–2nd Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Franklin
