Extremely large guy: Yo, I’m scared of clowns for reeeaaal.
–Court & Montague, Brooklyn
Mother to young child, after ghetto girl passes: No, honey, she’s not a clown. She just likes to dress that way.
–95th & Madison
Overheard by: Don Ricardo
Mother, watching a clown holding a briefcase walk onto the train: [to child] Look, honey, it’s a funny clown!… [to husband] Do you think he has a bomb in that briefcase?
–F train
Overheard by: and then i burst out laughing.
Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Keesha Brown
Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.
–68th & Lex
Overheard by: Casti
Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.
–Chinatown bus
Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.
–Queensboro Community College
Overheard by: LizDayglow
Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.
–71st & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman #1: Rhoda! Did you see Chrissie’s tattoo?
Woman #2: Oh no!
Woman #1: And here.
Woman #2 to teen: Are you crazy? Do you know what that shit is going to look like when you get pregnant and it stretches all out and hangs there? I ought to kick you both down these steps throwing good money away.
–Met Steps
Overheard by: Blondie
Soccer coach: You have to kick from your shoelaces.
Girl #1: I don’t have any laces!
Girl #2 with mismatched shoes: Do you like my shoes?
–P.S. 158, 77th & York
Overheard by: Jen
Little girl: Daddy! Why can’t I try? Why can’t I ride it?
Dad, on mini-bike: Because I’m God, and God says so.
–72nd & 5th
Overheard by: better off agnostic
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a lot of responsibilities being a single dad. I got three kids… I have a lot of responsibilities taking care of them. I see them every three weeks in Buffalo.
Guy #2: Yeah.
–63rd & 1st
Overheard by: Mr. Rictus
Old woman inside apartment: You gotta come here and look at this!
Old man: Do I gotta put my pants on to come see it?
–80th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jo
Chick #1: You know what today is a perfect day for?
Chick #2: Shopping?
Chick #1: No. Gaelic football!
–87th & 2nd
Museum patron: Tell me the story again about what happened to my bottom?
–Cafeteria, the Met
Woman to misbehaving child: Jamillah Fatima! Do not make me have to make the love connection to your behind on the C train!
–Brooklyn bound C train
Overheard by: ryan
Girl: Man, it’s hotter that 50 butt cracks in here!
–American Apparel, N 6th St, Williamsburg
Idle dreamer: Man…I wish I had, like, 59 butts.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: i still sell the iPods
Walking VD: I told her straight up I only like her for her ass!
–Kissena Blvd & 71st Ave, Queens
Teen boy: I’m gonna spread your booty cheeks.
–108th & Manhattan
Overheard by: N
Man: Shit, I’ll eat a pig’s ass if they fry it right.
–471 Lincoln Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michael O’Connor
Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
