Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: K2 Combo
Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape.
–Bryant Park station
Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emily Y.
Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too
Guy on cell: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.
–33rd & 6th
Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!
–54th & 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Jasmine
Bimbette: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.
–72nd & Broadway
Suit on cell: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?
–Wanamaker & 4th Ave
Young woman on cell: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: The Ficus
Customer: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.
–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th
Overheard by: Devon
Ghetto guy on cell: I been wantin’ to go to Chuck E. Cheese for mad long.
–E 8th St
Midwestern girl: I just paid a hundred and thirty bucks for a meal I could have had for twenty dollars at home. [Points at Midwestern guy #1] Fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #2] fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #1 again] and especially fuck you. If I wasn’t going home with a purse full of mints and toothpicks right now, I’d punch you both in the balls.
–Outside Bobby Flay’s, 46th & 2nd
Bus driver: You know, you guys, you can step up onto the back platform. You don’t need a reservation. It’s not Applebee’s.
–M60 bus to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kevoo
Girl on cell: Why?! Why would anyone ever get something catered by Outback Steakhouse!
–W 3rd St & LaGuardia
Chick on cell: Can you eat at Dallas BBQ in a rubber shirt?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Creepy white teacher: And so the black people started to spread from Harlem. And now there are black people in all five boroughs.
–205 & Reservoir, the Bronx
Hobo to parked white-on-white Mini Cooper: Hate car! Racist car! Bigot car!
–4th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: benjamen walker
Girl on cell: I don’t care if I am as white as a bar of soap, I can say bangin’ all I want.
–35th St & 23rd Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Rick Adams
Little girl to people waiting to board plane: You want a grandma? We have hundreds of grandmas here.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: detective olivia benson
Grandma, about child running with others: He runs faster than… than a little shit.
–Alice in Wonderland Statue, Central Park
Mom to kid: Do you know that purse I stole from Grandma? Hide it. She’s coming over.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeff
Grandma: If I was 50, boy, I’d be nifty. [Granddaughter stares blankly.] Yeah, if I was 50, I’d wear a leather bustiere.
–C train
Woman on payphone: I don’t care if Johnny was fucking his cousin, that don’t give you the right to steal your grandma’s credit cards!
–125th & Lex
Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.
–The Point Knitting Cafe
Overheard by: Heather
Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!
–NYU Hospital
Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!
Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.
–23rd & 8th
Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!
–Central Park
Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…
–Deli, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Allison
CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!
–Q Train
Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: Jesse D
Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Greg
Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: DRC
Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.
–Pratt Institute
Chick: How am I supposed to exercise my authority when people are asking me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?!
–Churrascaria Plataforma
Dude: I used the little bathroom in the back, and there was sauce all over the toilet. I wanted to lick it up.
–DiFara’s Pizzeria
Teen boy: Oh my god, Barrett Foa! He’s so hot… I want him to lick my vagina! Oh, my poor, crusty vagina…
–Stage door of Golden Theatre
Overheard by: Emo Barbie Julia
Hipster boy: I will climb down on those tracks and lick that third rail. I will lick it!
–L train
Overheard by: how many hot dogs?
Punk chick: Why are you so disgusted by licking other people’s eyeballs?
–17th Ave, Brooklyn
Thug: Why da hell should we tip her? We didn’t get nuthin fo’ free!
–Bubba Gumps
Overheard by: Gregorio
Man, reading newspaper: It’s the best kind of abuse! Free abuse!
–D train, 47th St
Overheard by: can i have some free abuse?
Girl: People are eating corn like it’s free out here!
–Union Square Farmer’s Market
Overheard by: Thompson
AM New York hawker on rainy day: Free paper! C’mon, free paper! Put it over your head!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ben
Newspaper guy: Get your free Daily News. Find out why Whitney’s back on crack. Free Daily News!
–59th St subway
Overheard by: MRP
Man: It was a gigantic free cupcake. I think that if I didn’t take it, then thirty years from now, I’d feel stupid.
–Office, Broadway & 55th St
Overheard by: Paul
Guy: I need a deserted island. A free one!
–6th Ave & Waverly Place
Overheard by: Jim G
Dude: My navel smells like fish.
–138th & Convent Ave
Overheard by: The City Planner
Thug: Yo, any saltwater fish — mad high maintenance!
–N train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Chick on cell: I mean, I don’t understand why he couldn’t just be supportive and eat the trout!
–83rd & 2nd
Dude, if I had gills, that’d be great. I’d be banging tons of mermaids.
–34th & Park
Man to female walking companion: We have so much in common! Do you also think that scallions are seafood?
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: Rachel
