Little People–Big Wednesday One-Liners

Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?

Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: JT

Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: BeccaGo

Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shannon

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.

–41st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Glad I'm not short

Posted on November 12, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Birthdays, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drugs, Drunks, Flyer people, Friends, Grand Central, Guys, Handicaps, Kick, Little People (Midgets, Dwarfs), Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, On Cell, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Race, Strippers, Suits, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Well I Am a Proctologist.

Guy #1: Yeah, she looked like such a mess. Her ass was hanging out and everything. Man, if that was my daughter I would take her aside and say, “Listen. Cover yourself up. That's only for daddy.”
Guy #2: Hahaha, for sure. (pause) Wait. Say that again.

–54th St

Posted on November 11, 2008
Ass, Family Ties, Guys, Incest, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Weirdness

You're the Worst Mentor Ever

Pregnant Latina: So I've been really thinking about what I want, and I want a ranch.
Thug: A ranch? What for?! When you have a ranch you gotta have animals, nigga. It's a whole different kind of struggle.
Pregnant Latina: I just want a ranch.
Thug: Well you better make it a gun ranch.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Jenni

Posted on November 10, 2008
Animals & Nature, Latinos, On the Subway, Preggers, Thugs, Weapons, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

New York Is Always First With New Cutting-Edge Minorities

Girl to older sister: Man, you have so many problems. Mom once said that otherwise she thought you could get all kinds of money for your eggs from infertile couples but you're just, like, so messed up.
Older sister: Yeah, but whatever. I can understand why people don't want eggs from an epileptic thyroidless girl. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm excited to have my own potentially epileptic and thyroidless children, but other people just…don't understand.
Girl: Yeah, your people are just so misunderstood.

–1 Train

Overheard by: I understand!

Posted on November 9, 2008
Family Ties, Girls, Illness, Money & Class, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sisters, Weirdness

It's Hard to Go Back to Vanilla Once You've Had M&M

Bouncer: What is *with* you tonight?
Girl promoting free comedy show: I had sex last night and I want everyone to be happy for me! His ball sack melted in my mouth! (to passerby) Free comedy show downstairs tonight! (a second later, screaming across the street) His ball sack melted in my mouth!

–Bleecker Street

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on November 9, 2008
Balls, BJs, Body Parts, Bouncers, Girls, Happiness, Questions, Sex, The Village, Weirdness

Trust Me, I'm a High School English Teacher.

Immigrant girl: No! Jessica has da same accent as me!
Guy: Nah, man, Jessica speaks English mad affluent.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Miguel

Posted on November 9, 2008
Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Languages, On the Subway, Weirdness, Words

You Could Bribe Them by Promising to Separate Their Eyebrows

Gay guy: Now I just need to hire a staff of people to vote for me.
Friend: I am sure you know enough people.
Gay guy: There are not enough Mexicans here.
Friend: Surely there are some second-class Eastern Europeans.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: macohseven

Posted on November 8, 2008
Friends, Politics, Queer guys, Rockefeller Center, Weirdness

French Vomiting Is the City's Hot, New Perversion

Guy: (pretends to throw up on himself)
Girl: (pretends to lick the vomit off his torso)
Guy: Oh man, that makes me really want some eggnog. (gets up and goes to get eggnog)

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Mariah

Posted on November 7, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Couples, Fakes, Food, Vomit, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

“City College” Means “You'll Get Your Tires Slashed”

NYU freshman girl #1, crossing the street: My dad always says, “No! Don't cross the street yet!” and I'm always like, “Dad, I've lived here for two months, I think I know what I'm doing!”
NYU freshman girl #2: Ha ha! But you know, cab drivers are looking out for you.
NYU freshman girl #1: Yeah, that's their job. If they hit you, they get sued.
NYU freshman girl #2: Yeah. My shirt says it all. “NYU” pretty much means “you'll get sued.”

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 7, 2008
Advice, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Family Ties, Students, Weirdness, Words

From the Bob the Builder Blooper Reel

(construction man #1 is peeing at the urinal. Construction man #2 is inside a stall)
Construction man #2: This is the place where all the dicks hang out, eh? Haha.
Construction man #1: Do these things flush by themselves, then?
Construction man #2: Yeah, man, you're taking a shit and you don't even get to see the turd sitting there.
Construction man #1: Whoosh!
Construction man #2: It just gets sucked away. You don't get to see the tapeworms, or whatever freaky crap is in there this time.

–Basement, NYU Tisch Film School

Overheard by: Knoll

Posted on November 7, 2008
Blue-collar workers, Health and Hygiene, NYU, Pee, Penis, Poop, Weirdness

Weirdness