Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!
–F train, 57th St
Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!
–F train, 57th St
Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.
Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.
Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!
–2 train
White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you’re not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I’d get all self-conscious.
–6 train
Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis!
–3 train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Garrett Berg
Runners-Up:
· “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz
· “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff
· “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA
· “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati?
–Deli, Canal & Hudson
Overheard by: Uncle Bling
Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand.
–Park Slope
Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you.
–Life Cafe, Bushwick
Overheard by: D
Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building!
–W 49th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Michael
Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson.
–LIRR
White guy #1 So what did we come here to get?
White guy #2: I don’t know. I hate buying video games. It makes me feel Asian.
–Gamestop
Overheard by: gamegirl
White guy #1: I just came back from a doctor visit, I’m loaded with prescriptions, Zanax, Viagra, I got everything, man.
White guy #2: Yeah, you got painkillers?
White guy #1: Hell yeah, I’m a Vet, any time I get sore, I take
one. I’m good, shit, I don’t even have to pay for these things.
White guy #2: Can I get some Vicodin?
White guy #1: Nah, see that I don’t got, you got to go down to this bar in Bay Ridge. Where are you from?
White guy #2: Sunset Park.
–86th & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Nosey Girl
White guy: You mean, you don’t find Mexicans sexy? Sexy Mexicans?
White girl: Shhh! They can hear you!
White guy: Sssexicans?
–N train
Overheard by: curry sprinkles
Black woman: You look like Vanna White.
White girl: Really?
Black woman: Don’t she look like Vanna White?
Queer: Yes, but better.
Black woman: What do you mean better! Vanna is rich and shit. And on TV. And this bitch over here has nothing. She’s on the subway, for Christ’s sake!
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: JR
Upper East Side white boy #1: Yo, dude, you can't take 10-dollar bills out of an ATM!
Upper East Side white boy #2: In the South Bronx you can…
–59th & 3rd
