Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

What They Really Say Is “Rhubarb, Rhubrarb, Mrs. Benson”

Guy at bar doing crossword: “The sound of a crowd.” Three letters, ending with “n.”
Hot bartender: Ummmmm.
Guy: “Din”? Is it “din”?
Hot bartender: What? Like people get together and just start saying “din din din”? I don't think so!

–The Continental

Overheard by: choking on scotch

Posted on July 2, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Guys, Questions, Stupidity, Words

And I Think Male Deers Are Involved

NYU girl #1: Why do they call it ‘Two Buck Chuck,’ anyway?
NYU girl #2: Because ‘buck’ rhymes with ‘Chuck.’

–Trader Joe’s

Overheard by: someone who knows a popular nickname for Char

Posted on July 1, 2015
Girls, Store, Words

When They Heard What Idiots We Were, They Quit in Disgust

Guy: Yeah, in the early nineties the American Embassy burned down from an apparent electrical fire, and when they inspected it, they found bugs in every wall and ceiling.
Girl: Ewww… That’s disgusting. I’m never going to Russia.
Guy: No, not actual… Never mind.

–53rd St

Posted on July 1, 2015
Accidents, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Politics, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Sit Shiva

50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.

–PATH

Overheard by: Joe H.

Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.

–Rivington & Attorney

Overheard by: I wasn't invited either

Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!

–West Bank Cafe

60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.

–Central Park

20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!

–7th Ave Subway Entrance

Posted on June 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Communicating Through Language Has Taken Our Relationship to a Whole New Level

20-something man #1: So you got a rap job?
20-something man #2: Yeah. My girl loves it.
20-something man #1: Really?
20-something man #2: Yeah, she thinks I'm, like, intellectual. It's like, it's not rap to her. It's like…words, ya know?
20-something man #1: I hear ya, man…

–LIRR

Posted on June 30, 2015
Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Trains Not Subway, Words

As If She Gives a Fuck What Coloreds Say

Girl from upstate New York: So are there a lot of colored people in Connecticut?

Long pause.

Black girl: We say black people now.

–FIT

Overheard by: LL

Posted on June 30, 2015
Black People, College, Girls, Questions, Race, U.S. Geography, Words

Finally, a Phrase Everyone Can Use!

Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky.

–Soho

Overheard by: Daniel Scott

Posted on June 30, 2015
Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Smoking, Soho, Words

Here's Dan Brown to Explain

Native guide: All these subways go north-south, see, north-south, north-south. So we have to get the shuttle, which goes east-west.
Tourist #1: Shuttle, shuttle! Sounds like something you'd say to someone when you're upset. Oh, shuttle!
Tourist #2: I don't really understand this whole north-south thing.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 29, 2015
Clerks, Directions, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Words