Advice

Never Take Sex Advice From the Tin Man

Hipster guy #1: Just, like, wait for her to bend down to tie her shoe or some shit.
Hipster guy #2: Then I should put it in? Like, through her pants?
Hipster guy #1: What? You’ve never been that hard?

–Studio B, Brooklyn, NY

Overheard by: DJALLTHETIME

Headline by: blistexaddict

Runners-Up:
· “… But Do Vinyl Stretch Pants Work As a Contraceptive?” – I’m wearing them, just in case
· “It Cuts Through Anything, Even This Aluminum Can.” – Beery
· “It’s the Only Way I Got Any in Saudi Arabia” – master
· “Mary Could Never Quite Explain to Her Doctor How Her Tonsils Got Perforated.” – Jen
· “Oh Sure, That’s How I Sewed This Shirt.” – Taylor
· “Or Just Use That Knife Thing From Se7en” – BabakganoosH

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday Gettin'-None Liners

Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: LisaLisa

Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.

–W Broadway & Thomas

Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their License

Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.

–JFK

Overheard by: DFlan

Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?

–27th & 7th

Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Micaela

Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’

–Court & Schermerhorn St

JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!

–NYU

When You See a Running Burka, Can a Judicial Stoning Be Far Behind?

Teen boy, watching a running woman in burka: When you see one of those runnin’, you gotta run for cover!

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: someone’s mom

Sadly, He’s Packing a Puck

Guy #1: Oh man, Alexa is so hot. Sucks that she has a boyfriend.
Guy #2: Dude, how many times do I have to tell you? Just because there is a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.

–42nd & 8th

A Little Potty Humor–Literally

Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy.

Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall.

Girl: Mommy?
Mother: Yes?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet!

–Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave

Sage Advice

Urban Youth #1: I’m not Eric. I fight dirty.
Urban Youth #2: Why the fuck you wanna fight fair for? You know you’re gonna lose.

–D Train

They wouldn’t want you either

Hipster: I wouldn’t smoke to go into that health food store

— Bedford Ave, outside health food store

Overheard Advice

Guy #1: So I’m not sure what to do.
Guy #2: If you want to know something from somebody, get them drunk.

–8th Street N/R Station

Weightlifter Wisdom

Bodybuilder: Dude, I was ignoring all the RED FLAGS that were going up about my relationship! You GOTTA ask yourself whether you’re gonna let her do that to you!

–71st & Broadway

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

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