Biotechs

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Ghetto chick: She went by and shoved me and was like “Ex-cuse me!”, but not like “excuse me”, you know? So she had this long hair? Well, I grabbed her by the hair, flung her down the stairs, and started kicking her ass. I’ll fight anybody.

–D train

Lady: Why didn’t you stop the bus for me on the other side?
Bus driver: Ma’am, I’m not allowed to open those doors at a non-designated stop.
Lady: Good Lord Jesus Christ, I am not your enemy. Who are you? The Terminator?
Bus driver: Stop being so hostile!
Lady: You’re the one being hospitable! Ooo, you are soo hospitable!

–M15 bus

Chick: You know how you wanted to call him up and say it’s not personal, you just want to be friends? Don’t. They need to be told. They don’t know that they’re idiots.

–Our Place, 3rd Avenue

Doctor guy: What brings you here today?
Woman: You’re not wearing ID. Are you a doctor?
Doctor guy: Oh, I’m sorry, I left it at the computer.

He goes to get it.

Man: What didja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s really a doctor? He could be a homosexual.

–Coney Island Hospital

Overheard by: Iris Kalashnikova

Chick #1: Would you ever get your pubic hair chemically straightened?
Chick #2: No, I wouldn’t let Chinese people touch my vagina.

–A train

Overheard by: Francesca

Woman #1: Ma’am, could you please move your bag so I could sit down?
Woman #2: No, can’t you see I’m busy, bitch? And I’m not movin this fuckin’ thing. It’s heavy and I don’t want to pick it up again! Sit somewhere else.

She goes back to reading Jesus and Mary: The Key to Divine Love and Inner Peace.

–149th St station downtown platform

Chick #1: She got really upset with me for telling him that she got her wedding dress online.
Chick #2: Oh, I kind of understand that–
Chick #3, furiously: –What?! She can take his dick in her mouth, but she can’t tell him she got her wedding dress online?! She can put her face in his ass and not tell him she got her fucking dress online?!

–Pizza place near 5th Ave & DeGraw, Park Slope

Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No…allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh…what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh…Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don’t get subtlety, either.

–Stop & Shop, Long Island City

Overheard by: mshorty

Woman: Oh, this is great. We got on a nonstop train to Trenton. Just what I fuckin’ need in my life right now. It’s OK, we’ll just go see our nation’s capital.
Random man: Our nation’s capital?
Woman: You know I meant state. I don’t need comments from the fuckin’ peanut gallery. I went to high school. I graduated with fuckin’ honors.

–NJ Transit train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Another fuckin’ honor student