Blue-collar workers

Construction worker #1 (yelling): We got one big one and two little ones!
Construction worker #2: What? One what?
Construction worker #1: One big one, like your sister!

–Spring St & Crosby St

(construction man #1 is peeing at the urinal. Construction man #2 is inside a stall)
Construction man #2: This is the place where all the dicks hang out, eh? Haha.
Construction man #1: Do these things flush by themselves, then?
Construction man #2: Yeah, man, you're taking a shit and you don't even get to see the turd sitting there.
Construction man #1: Whoosh!
Construction man #2: It just gets sucked away. You don't get to see the tapeworms, or whatever freaky crap is in there this time.

–Basement, NYU Tisch Film School

Overheard by: Knoll

Construction worker taking coffee order: I don't think they have what you want at that deli.
Construction worker placing order: They have to have it. This is America, where do you think we are, Alaska?

–Construction Site, Bronx Zoo

Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.

–Office Building, Park Avenue

Old man: Where are the seat numbers?
Usher: On the right.
Old man: When I’m facing which way?

–Helen Hayes Theater, 44th St

Overheard by: Valerie Z

Employee: The manager made us open the doors, but we don’t have shit. Nothing is ready. [A bunch of employees are frantically putting buns on trays and trays into machines.]Drunk guy, leaning on counter: I want some McGriddles! [Slips and falls.]Employee: Look at you — you can’t even keep your shit from falling over! … If you sue us, I’m going to say you was drunk.
Drunk guy, thoughtfully: You’re right… I’m going to sue you for eight McGriddles!

–McDonald’s, Fulton & Cliff St

Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you wearin’ a choir robe.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you dressed like a priest.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: Because God don’t care how you dressed.

–97th & Riverside Dr

Headline by: 6th Floor Blogger

· “God Would Prefer That You Remove the Ball-Gag During Communion” – dan
· “That’s Right. But Could You Please Put on Some Pants?” – Babakganoosh
· “The Undiscovered 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Wear Crocs” – Meg
· “To Sum Up: God Loves Strippers.” – RaindanceRichard

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

MTA worker, holding bucket: Hey! Buddy, did you take a shit over there by that machine?
Hobo, laughing: Not yet!

–A/C/E/L station, 14th & 8th

Overheard by: JayBee

Hardhat #1: Paddy, you’re Irish Catholic, right?
Hardhat #2: Yeah.
Passerby: Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene.
Hardhat #2: Shut you fuckin’ mouth! I will believe that crock of shit when you show me a marriage certificate.

–Broad St

Fish guy: Yeah, my dad died of colon cancer in 2001.
Blonde: Oh, how’s he doing?

–Grocery store, Astoria

Overheard by: Dustin

Headline by: Mr. Gee

· “‘Great Listener’ Is On Her Resumee” – Denny
· “Decomposing Quite Nicely, Thank You for Asking” – RBNY
· “I’d Say His Condition Is Stable” – Tadzio
· “Rolling Over About Now” – Kaitlen
· “Rotting, No Doubt” – Katy
· “Well, Mom Won’t Share a Bed with Him Anymore.” – Cassie
· “Worst Pick-up, Best Blow-off” – halfknot

Click here to see the new Headline Contest