Good Thing He’s Not Going for the Prince Albert

HS boy #1: So anyway, I told my mom that I’m going to get my eyebrow pierced when I graduate.
HS boy #2: Oh yeah? And what did she say?
HS boy #1: She told me that if I got it pierced, she’d grab me by the eyebrow ring and swing me around the room until my face ripped off.

–5 train

Overheard by: christina

Posted on December 21, 2019
Boys, On the Subway, Students, Threats, Time

America Runs on Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.

–N Train

All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?

–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!

–Uptown 6 Train

Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.

–East Village Urban Outfitters

Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.

–70th & Columbus

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Posted on December 7, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia University, Crazies, Girls, Kids, Love, Old People, On the Subway, Politics, President, Questions, Race, Smokers & Smoking, Store, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You Always Were Ahead Of the Curve, Suzanne.

Girl: I'm not going home straight.
Boy: I think you mean “I'm not going straight home.”
Girl: No. I mean “I'm not going home straight.”

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on November 20, 2019
Boys, Drinking & Drunk People, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Queens, Words

The Cooties Appear to Have Gone to His Brain

Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.

–Central Park

Overheard by: amused tourist

Posted on October 1, 2019
Advice, Boys, Central Park, Food, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Threats, Words

And the Ancient Greeks Owned Slaves!

Boy giving presentation: Guys, shut up! Everybody has to be quiet during my presentation.
Black boy: Man, your people kept my people down for hundreds of years. I ain't being quiet for your presentation!
Boy giving presentation: I'm not white, dude. I'm fucking Greek.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on August 29, 2019
Black People, Boys, Fast Times at New York High, History & Geography, Offers and requests, Queens, Race, White People

Damn, It Felt Good to Get That Off My Chest

Big black man: It’s ok, I’m not a gangsta!
Nerdy white kid: Neither am I!

–Times Square

Posted on August 16, 2019
Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Jobs & Careers, Men, Times Square, White People

Mostly CNN

Seven-year-old boy: You know Britney's on crack, she's on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.

–LIRR

Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too