Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!

16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris

Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: seat 12 section 23

20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Liz

Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.

–Q67 Bus

Overheard by: Kate

Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!

–Little Italy

Posted on September 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Infidelity, Insults, Little Italy, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Strippers, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

M.E.: I’d Say She’s Been Dead All Weekend

Guy #1: Dude, are you going to that party this weekend?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah. My girlfriend has been sick all week. She was, like, throwing up and coughing up a lung yesterday. I told her, ‘You better not get me fucking sick. I am not missing this party. I will seriously kick your ass if you get me sick.’
Guy #1: What did she say?
Guy #2: I don’t know. She fell asleep or something.

–Lincoln Center

Posted on September 20, 2014
Advice, Assholes, Celebrations/Parties, Guys, Illness, Talking/Convos, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

We’ll Hang Out With the No-Facesitting Crowd

Annoyingly hipster girl: So there’s a fetish party tonight, do you want to go? It’s five bucks.
Annoyingly hipster guy: Oh, I don’t know.
Annoyingly hipster girl: Come on. It will be better than last time, I promise.

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Posted on September 16, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Whole Foods

…From Everything But Silicone and Perjury

Girl #1: What are you doing today?
Girl #2: I dunno. What should we do to celebrate our country’s independence?
Girl #1: Oh yeah, it’s July 4th. You know what we should celebrate instead?
Girl #2: What?
Girl#1: Lil’ Kim’s independence.

–109th & Broadway

Overheard by: Angelica Cayne

Posted on September 7, 2014
About Celebrities, Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on August 29, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Cops, Creepsters, Girls, Illness, Insults, Medicine, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Science, Sexuality, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

…If You Know What I Mean.

Hipster girl: Why isn’t Ben coming to your party?
Emo friend: He’s going to see the vagina monologues… twice.

–NYU

Posted on August 12, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Questions, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Sausage Fest Y2K4

Man #1: I am getting ready to throw my annual party soon.
Man #2: Dude, just remember to invite women this year.

–Central Park

Posted on August 4, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Men

And frankly, she makes a good case

20-something (to boyfriend): Janet said that no boyfriends were invited to her party. But she then made exceptions, for different reasons, for the boyfriends of every other girl who is invited to the party who has a boyfriend. Except for you. So I’m worried that she may not like you.

–F train

Posted on August 2, 2014
Celebrations/Parties, On the Subway, Relationships

Oh, Are They Getting Married?

Drunk Skank #1: …cause that’s what we’re celebrating.
Drunk Skank #2: What’re we celebrating?
Drunk Skank #1: The Bush/Cheney thing.
Drunk Skank #2: Oh yeah!

–49th and Broadway

Overheard by: Anne C.

Posted on July 18, 2014
Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, Drunks, Hootchies, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, President

What Defines The NYC Scent?

Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.

–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st

Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!

–Flatbush

Posted on July 8, 2014
Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Death, Friends, Guys, Hotels, Scents of the City

Celebrations/Parties