Chick #1: Have you ever broken your phone?
Chick #2: No, I think the worst I’ve ever broken is my finger.
Chick #1: [Pause] But, I mean, now I don’t have any of my numbers.
Chick #2: Oh my god! I thought you meant… Oh, wow. Well, why didn’t you just tell me you broke your phone? I have, like, four.
Chick #1: Four?
Chick #2: Well, they weren’t nice. I didn’t feel like they were reliable.
–L train
Girl: So my dad opened Jake’s phone bill the other day and he’s like “I don’t want to alarm you or anything, but there’s a phone number on here that Jake has been calling all the time.”
Grandmother: Oh my god! You’re not saying–
Girl: And when we called it we found out it was that Chinese restaurant down the street. That motherfucker eats there all the time! So much that it put him over on his cell phone minutes. Can you believe that?
–Driggs Pizza, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Seamus Diddy
Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.
–86th & 1st
Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!
–Forever 21, Union Square
Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."
–Toys R Us Times Square
Overheard by: Non Father
Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!
–Whole Foods, Bowery
Overheard by: office peon
Ghetto kid #1: Yo, bro, stop textin' me!
Ghetto kid #2, across the street: Bro, I'm not tryin' to text you, I'm tryin' to text my bitch, but your number is right under my bitch's number, so when I'm tryin' to text my bitch, I text you instead!
Ghetto kid #1: Bro, just stop textin me!
Ghetto kid #2: I'm tryin' to text my bitch!
–94th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: NOT his bitch either
Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', “meow.”
–Liquor Store, Brooklyn
Girl and guy walking, guy gets text message.
Girl: What did she say?
Guy: She said ‘K.’
Girl: ‘K?’
Guy: Yes ‘K’… I spent 30 cents so she can tell me ‘K.’
–Target, Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jubilee
Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming
Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.
–Borders, 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: with a K
Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alexandra
Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?
–2nd St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: buffalo
Ghetto guy #1: Yo, man, phone your mom.
Ghetto guy #2: Yeah, hurry up, we about to go in the tunnel.
Ghetto guy #3: Yo, I’m Superman, nigga. I can do whatever I want.
–1 train, 125th St
Woman: He’s not getting a new cell phone until the technology improves.
Man: Oh yeah, well I’m not commuting to work anymore until I get my flying car!
–Public Theater, Lafayette Street
Overheard by: Sean McArdle
Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!
–Theatre
Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: a friend of mine does
Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!
–W 10th St
Overheard by: max
Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Overheard by: i actually laughed at her
Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Goober
