In Her Defense, Most People Totally Suck

20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.

–Times Square

Overheard by: sounds like a keeper

Headline by: slowly losing faith in people

Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 24, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Times Square

You're Just Confused Because They Keep Voting Republican

Random guy: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Oh, up north. Florida.
Random guy: Wait. I thought Florida was in the Midwest.

–Subway B

Posted on February 23, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

And They’d Be Pouring Margaritas for Everyone

[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Greg T

Posted on February 23, 2015
Accidents, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Men, Old People, Questions, Women

To Make It Explicit: The Center is Full of Rich Butter

Girl #1: Yeah, that French kid’s pretty hot.
Girl #2: His butt is like…it’s like a croissant!
Girl #1: Ohmigod, ew. But yeah, it’s true.

–1 train

Posted on February 22, 2015
Ass, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Food, Foreigners, Idiots, On the Subway, Words

Oh, Leave Ashlee Simpson Alone.

Guy : Cause she sounds like a goat. You know how a goat goes,” bwaaah, bwaaah!”
Girl : Word?
Guy : Yeah, she sounds like a goat…

–Lorimer & Powers, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Szymon

Posted on February 19, 2015
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Sensory Experiences

My Third Arm Gives Me Character

Yuppie girl #1: So he said he couldn’t date me.
Yuppie girl #2: Why?
Yuppie girl #1: He said he likes to date normal girls.
Yuppie girl #2: What?!
Yuppie girl #1: Yeah, like who likes normal girls?

–Spring St & 6th Ave

Posted on February 18, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Girls, Questions, Soho, Yuppies

Ah, the Circle Of Life.

Female bartender: I'm double-jointed. Isn't that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!

–Mars Bar

Overheard by: Pete

Posted on February 18, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Penis, Weirdness

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.

–SoHo

Overheard by: kim

Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: gypsee

Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.

–1 Train

Overheard by: oliviz

Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.

–M14D Bus

Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: rachel

Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.

–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on February 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Soho, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Dramatic Tension So Thick You Could Cut It With a Melon Baller

Really gay guy: So you know how there's nothing on on tv in the summer? I started watching the gayest tv show ever.
Really gay friend: Yeah? Like what?
Really gay guy, conspiratorially: Star Trek: Voyager.

–Kashkaval, 55th & 9th

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on February 17, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, TV

I Did Get Drilled at Victoria’s Secret Once

Girl #1: I hope if I ever go back to London, I run into that French guy I hooked up with last time.
Girl #2: Well, maybe when you go back you’ll meet a new French guy.
Girl #1: Looking specifically to meet French guys in London? I dunno, that seems like looking to buy a bra in a hardware store.
Girl #2: Yeah, but imagine you find that perfect B-cup in amongst the drills and such.

–C train

Posted on February 16, 2015
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Hook Ups, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Compare/Contrast