(possessed girl walks on hands downstairs during midnight showing of The Excorcist)
Awkward guy to chick he's with: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
(she doesn't respond)
Awkward guy, again: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
Drunk dude: We heard you the first time, buddy!
–Loew Village Theater
Boyfriend: Baby, that was amazing last night.
Girlfriend: I know…
Boyfriend: Really. that was the best head you ever gave me. Easily in the top five.
Girlfriend: Top five ever? Or just from me?
Boyfriend: Um…
Girlfriend: Who was better than me?
Boyfriend: That’s a ridiculous question. There’s no Platonic ideal of blowjobs.
–2nd Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Franklin
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: This was just an awful shift and an awful day.
Meathead boyfriend. trying to cheer her up: Do you want me to sing the sleepy time song?
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: No. I just want to drink.
Meathead boyfriend: I have Jack at home.
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: Fuck Jack, I need fucking tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: No! You're mean when you have tequila!
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: I'm going to be meaner than I am now if I don't get tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: Okay, I'll get a bottle.
–A Train
Woman: He’s not getting a new cell phone until the technology improves.
Man: Oh yeah, well I’m not commuting to work anymore until I get my flying car!
–Public Theater, Lafayette Street
Overheard by: Sean McArdle
Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!
–W 88th St
Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!
–Metro-North Train
Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!
–East Village
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!
–Poker Game, Astoria
Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY
Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!
–L Train
Girlfriend: Is that a caravan outside Deutsche Bank?
Boyfriend: Pikeys.
–Wall & William
Woman: What’s the average shelf life for a crackhead?
Man: She’s doing a lot, I mean…
Woman: But how long can she go?
Man: Crackheads? I’d give’ em a good 10 years.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jones
Man: Bitch, why you gotta make things so complicated?
Woman: I’m always complicated. You oughta be used to it by now.
Man: Yeah, that’s true.
–14th St crosswalk
Overheard by: Leslie
Wife: You're so grim!
Husband: You made me grim.
Wife: Did I make you grim?
Husband: I'm not grim.
–Holiday Inn
Overheard by: The daughter.
Woman: Oh! That’s one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I’m not sure if they have it at the library.
–Barnes & Noble, West Village
Overheard by: Caren Lissner
