Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: rko
Customer: Can I get a cafe au lait, please?
Dunkin' Donuts store clerk, perplexed: Caf' what?
–Dunkin' Donuts, Park Place
Girl to friend: Man, every time I pass this place the people sitting outside talk shit about me.
Outdoor customer to friend: Check out those ugly boots.
–13th & 3rd
Customer: Do you have any more frisbees?
Cashier: NYU isn't really a frisbee school.
Customer: Why not?
Cashier: You could hurt a tourist.
–Bookstore, NYU
Dude: Do you have any matches?
Shop guy: Buddy, this is a health store, I sure hope we don’t have any matches.
Dude: Oh…yeah…I guess you are right.
–Matany Health Food, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jason B.
Waiter: We do have a great selection of cocktails.
Customer: That just makes me feel queer.
–Max Brenner’s, 14th & Broadway
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat do you want?
Asian customer: Wedgie!
Chipotle guy: Spiced pork?
Asian customer: Vegetable!
–Chipotle, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: I just wanted chicken
NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.
–NYU
Overheard by: kat
Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.
–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave
Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!
–Szechuan Restaurant
Overheard by: tallierand
Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.
–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows
Overheard by: evan FM
College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"
–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Father to younger son: So you like second base right?
–Douglaston Market, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover.
Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don’t know. Shit, man, history’s hard because, you know, there’s just so much of it. It’s, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that’s true.
–K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave
Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks
Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: Random
