Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.
–Applebee’s, Times Square
Overheard by: eee!
Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.
–Applebee’s, Times Square
Overheard by: eee!
Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.
–City Hall
Guy #1: Hey…Sam?
Guy #2: No…Sam’s my brother.
Guy #1: Oh…sorry. Dude, you look just like him.
Guy #2: Well, we’re brothers.
Guy #1: Me and my brother don’t look anything alike.
Guy #2: Huh. Guess your mother was a whore.
–37th & 3rd
Woman #1: So, Madonna has a new album out… which, of course, means my herpes are flaring up again…
Woman #2: I know, right?
–South 3rd & Berry, Williamsburg
Homeless man to group of people: Excuse me, do you have any spare change?
Humanitarian: No, but here are some cookies.
Homeless man: I’m a vegetarian.
–W 57th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Chris
Chick (walking in elevator and looking at others): Sorry for staring, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we're all related.
Chick: Really?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don't worry, we'll be nice to you when we take over.
–Elevator, Roosevelt Hospital
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they're called
Dude with clipboard to couple passing by: Excuse me, you two! Sign this! It’s your independent right as an American.
Guy: No, thanks. I hate rights.
Chick: Yeah, just being told what to do rocks.
Guy: Conforming is sweet.
–Bleecker St
Little girl, happily: And that's why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why's that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!
–City Hall
Girl #1: I met a guy. He's paying for tickets.
Girl #2: Oh, does he have money?
Girl #1: Of course! I wouldn't do it otherwise.
–Forest Hills
