Teenage girl #1: When I was little, my mom told me that whenever I had to go to the bathroom, I should say “Excuse me, I have to go powder my nose.” But when I said it to my kindergarten teachers they didn’t understand what I meant.
Teenage girl #2: That’s because your kindergarten teachers, unlike your mom, weren’t bitchy, uptight wasps.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I know. That’s why I go to private school now.
–Terminal 5
New Yorker #1: I had to tell my kid when she went to college in Boston that nowhere else could compare to New York, to just find the best of where you are.
New Yorker #2: Yeah, I always found Boston to be provincial.
–6 Train
Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.
–77th & Madison
Exterminator, running late: Hey, sorry, but I was doin’ this guy in the Village -I was foggin’ him and bombin’ him, the whole nine yards…
Client, snickering: Wish we could get that kind of service here.
Exterminator, oblivious: Well see, he pays extra…
–106th St & Broadway
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Overheard by: Ali
EMT driver woman #1: Oooh… That dog is so cute!
EMT driver woman #2: Hmm, he is cute.
EMT driver woman #1: Sometimes I wish I had a dog instead of a child, cuz when the child grows up, they start talking, and then you just wanna knock ’em out!
–Jackson Heights
Small child in yarmulke: Mom, why are the bears in armor fighting?
Mother in stockings and wig: I don’t know why, but that’s not very nice. Jews don’t do this, we solve our problems by talking.
–AMC Theatre
Overheard by: bryan
Girl, about spiderman 3: It was a great movie if you wanted to see how to be the world’s worst boyfriend. All he cared about was himself. I mean, how could he have been so stupid? He…
Guy: You know, it’s not always the guy’s fault.
Girl: But it was! Were we watching the same movie?
Guy: I can’t believe we’re arguing about whose fault it was that Peter and Mary Jane broke up.
Girl: It was his fault.
–Union Square
Female bartender: I forgot to tell you, I hired a new bartender. She will be here tonight.
Male bartender: Oh. Is she cute?
Female bartender: Well… She’s Asian.
Male bartender: Oh. Asian Asian or cute Asian?
Female bartender: Ehhh… you know.
–Broadway Theater
(teenage lovers on city bus)
Teenage girl: Was that an eggplant sandwich I saw you eating?
Teenage boy: Yes, it was actually eggplant Parmesan.
Teenage girl: But, you don’t even like eggs.
–SI City Bus
