Middle-aged Republican lady: Do you have any McCain buttons?
Hippie political button vendor: Only this one (shows her “make war, not love” button). It's about how all Republicans think that wars are the most important thing ever.
Middle-aged Republican lady: So, you don't have any nice McCain buttons?
Hippie political button vendor: Do I look like I have any nice McCain buttons?
Middle-aged Republican lady: (long pause) No.
–Outside Central Park
Overheard by: iz
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
Girl #1: So, seriously, his name is Meredith? Like “A Boy Named Sue?” Seriously?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously, it's like that show… The one with, you know, the guy, and that's his name… You know, that show we watched last night.
Girl #1: Yeah, that show, with the hot guys?
Girl #2: Yeah, seriously hot.
Girl #1: Seriously.
–6 Train
Overheard by: I don't think they were serious
Girl #1: And how old is her boy now?
Girl #2: Uh… I dunno, one year old -maybe older?
Girl #1, in shock and disgust: And she still breast-feedin’ him?! That crazy ho!
Girl #2, definitively: Yeah, I ain’t lettin’ no lil’ man put teeth on my nipple!
–53rd & 6th Ave
Overheard by: SA
[In the next stall.]Chick #1: I can’t get it in it! It hurts!
Chick #2: Lift up your leg and try again!
Chick #1: Dude! It’s not gonna fit! It hurts too much!
Chick #2: Here, let’s try the third one.
–McDonald’s Restroom
Overheard by: Slowly walking out the door
Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: bill R
Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.
–Bard High School Early College
Overheard by: and didn’t notice?
Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…
–96th & CPW
White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!
–113th St
Overheard by: Meister E.
Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.
–Howard St
Overheard by: havarthe
Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Guy to date: Well, when it’s like when I’m on a roadtrip, even if I need to pee, I don’t, I force myself to keep it in, it’s like a control thing. Totally about power. [Date gets up to go to the bathroom.] Hurry back! I want to tell you more!
Date: Yeah, it’s really… Powerful.
–Soup’N’Burger, Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: rpk
Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Traffic police officer #1: She want balls with no cheese. I want cheese on my balls.
Traffic police officer #2: Oh, she nasty.
–Quizno's, Broadway & Franklin
Overheard by: office peon
Thug #1: How do you know all that about the church?
Thug #2: Because I was a muthafuckin' altar boy for five years!
–Pride Parade, 25th &5th
Overheard by: fellow ex-catholic
