Drunk dude #1: I have a great job.
Drunk dude #2: Yeah, but I get a lot of vacation time.
Drunk dude #1: Oh, yeah? Remember those two days I took off last week? Those were free days because they didn’t even notice I wasn’t there!
–2 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Wasted guy #1: Hey, do you have any shot glasses around here or anything?
Wasted guy #2: Dude, Grandpa died.
–UWS
Overheard by: My grandpa died, too
Drunk chick #1: You know, you were totally right. I come so much harder from anal!
Drunk chick #2: See! I told you it was the best. Except… Well… I told you about that one problem.
Drunk chick #1: Yeah, I know. Now I take the most enormous shits ever!
A gay couple is standing a few feet away, laughing hysterically.
Queer: Oh, honey, you’re preaching to the choir out here.
–Crobar, W 27th St
Drunk guy, watching fireworks: Oh, man, they're bombing Jersey…
Girl: Thank god.
–West Side Highway
Drunk middle aged lady: Aww, love is great…you and your boyfriend are such a cute couple.
Chick: Oh, that guy? He's not my boyfriend. I'm just sleeping with him.
Drunk middle aged lady (laughing): Really? Good for you, he's cute. Well, maybe it'll turn into something more?
Chick: Oh, god no! He's an asshole…but he's amazing in bed and he's fun company… He's like a vibrator that makes appetizers.
–White Horse Tavern
Overheard by: the birthday girl
Six drunks are standing around on the corner.
Woman: Now in German!
Drunks: Stille nacht, heilige nacht…
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jamie Wisneski & Megan
Yuppie #1: I really want a drink
Drunk Homeless man (to Yuppie #2): What are you reading?
Yuppie #2: I’m reading a book on sobriety.
Drunk Homeless man (looking over her shoulder): Oh
Yuppie #2: Yes, it’s also about drug additions..valium, etc.
Drunk Homeless man: Really that’s interesting
— Union Square Park
Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
Hangover: So we made him do 4 shots of Jager and he woke up with chicken on his pillow.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Petey
Into an intercom, a drunk girl yells: I know you don’t want to see me, but I’m downstairs!
–Avenue A & 3rd Street
Overheard by: Sebastian Forsythe
