Wednesday One‐Liners Looked Better in the Previews

Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You’re not human!

–Lower West Side

Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That’s like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That’s drugs. Star Wars drugs!

–13^th St & University

Overheard by: Jaimie

Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is “whack.”

–City Cinemas, E 86^th St

Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It’s very funny, right?

–NYU

Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this

Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I’m gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.

–Columbus Circle

Posted on January 24, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drugs, Film, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Movie Theaters, Movies, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Thugs, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

If the U.S. Census Were Administered This Way, We Might Actually Complete It

Crazy man on subway: Now that its almost the weekend, it is once again time for me to share my knowledge. Now, how many people here have seen the Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones feature film Men in Black?
75‐year‐old British man: Oh, this will be wonderful. Very scientific.

–E Train

Posted on May 20, 2018
Brits, Crazies, Film, Movies, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Science

Ooo, Let’s Cast a Spell on Them!

20‐something girl in full Luna Lovegood costume waiting to see Harry Potter, pointing to girl with mohawk: Jeez, their are some real weirdos in New York.
Friend, dressed as Snape: Yeah, real creeps.

–Movie Theater, Park Slope

Posted on April 23, 2018
Books & Writing, Film, Friends, Girls, Movie Theaters, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Weirdness

In That It Sucks for All Eternity

Girl #1, in line for movie: This line is so long. Maybe we should go see another movie and come back and get our phones after.
Girl #2: That’s not a bad idea. What could we see?
Girl #1: I would totally see Twilight again.
Girl #2: I didn’t see it the first time you guys went.
Girl #1: Oh my god! You would love it! Did you like Degrassi?
Girl #2: Of course! That show is awesome.
Girl #1: Well Twilight is like Degrassi but with vampires. It’s awesome!

–Loews Lincoln Center Theater

Overheard by: Suffering in silence

Posted on April 18, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Movie Theaters, Movies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

And What’s More Hilarious Than Middle‐aged Sex?

Comedy show promoter: Comedy show tonight! 50% off, right here! What about you guys?
Middle‐aged woman with husband: No thanks, we’re seeing a movie.
Comedy show promoter: What about after your movie? We got late shows too!
Middle‐aged woman: That’s when we go home and have sex. Thanks, though.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on December 7, 2017
Couples, Film, Home, Sweet Home, Offers and requests, Sex, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

…About a Hooker.

Guy to friends: Guys. I need an attractive blonde, about this tall, from about 11:30 to 12:30 tonight. Know where I can find one?
(silence)
Guy: It’s for a film!

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on November 25, 2017
Film, Friends, Guys, Height, NYU, Prostitution, Questions, Time, Weirdness

Wednesday One‐Liners Wear Heels in Bed

Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: NYU Ears

Patient woman: She’s making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2^nd Ave b/w 50^th & 51^st

Overheard by: sab

Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!

–Madison Ave & 47^th St

Overheard by: kricka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant

iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec‐u‐table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec‐u‐table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?

–33^rd St b/w 5^th & 6^th

Chick: You *know* we’re all going to be googling “eggbeater porn” before the night is over.

–Party, 171^st & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 23, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, e-Bay, Film, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Google, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One‐Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You’re slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four‐year‐old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six‐year‐old, looking at father’s New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven‐year‐old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We’re going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One‐Liners Don’t Forget the Popcorn

Hipster: Aren’t you some kind of traitor? You’re going to film grad school, and you saw Click on opening night?

–Mondo Kim’s, St. Mark’s Place

Usher: All ticket holders, please enter the theater. We will not start ’til everyone is seated in your box‐office, uh, thing you sit in.

–New York Public Theatre

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Film, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Film