Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

When They Lined Us Up in Order Of Coolness

Girl: Why does the 10:15 movie have to be sold out?
Guy: Because a bunch of losers were in front of us.
Girl: Just like in high school.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 1, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Guys, Movies, School and studying, Union Square and East Village

I’m Just Saying She Makes Great Films!

Guy #1: Dude, your mom’s a Coen brother.
Guy #2: Wait… Fuck you, dude.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: harlembound

Posted on March 31, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Film, Guys, Insults

Let’s Catch a Flick, Wednesday One-liners

Man: I charge you with this sacred drink, and with this straw: I call this straw Excalibur, straw of destiny.

–Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street

Overheard by: timothy wolfe

Bald man: See, the Joker was the first real villain Batman had to face…

–Le Pescadou, King Street

Overheard by: emdashes

Guy: Uh-uh. This nigga would be outta town. I see lightnin’ goin off and holes in the ground. No way! I will grab my purse, a bottle of water, my sister, and my gun and get the fuck outta Dodge. Peace, aliens!

–Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street

Guy: There’s really no way to tell someone that’s the seat’s taken without sounding like a complete douchebag.

–Loews Kips Bay, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Jonathan Weiss

Posted on March 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Film, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Ginny Weasley: I Saw Him First, Bitch!

Ghetto girl #1: What, the actor?
Ghetto girl #2: Fuck the movie, I’m talking about the book. I love Harry Potter and if there’s someone like him, I wanna date him.

–Jamaica, Queens

Overheard by: Shane

Posted on March 22, 2015
Books & Writing, Dating, Film, Ghetto Chicks, Queens

The Penises Get Mad When We're Late

Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go?

–Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Posted on March 20, 2015
Books & Writing, Disney, Film, Friends, Girls, Gripes, More museums, Penis, School and studying, Visual Art

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Some Tourists Are Natural New Yorkers.

Drunk tourist guy #1 to guy on movie set: Hey, what are they filming?
Guy on movie set: Arthur.
Drunk tourist guy #1: Cool! With Dudley Moore?
Drunk tourist guy #2: Dudley Moore is dead, you fucking idiot!

–Park Ave & 51st St

Overheard by: Annie

Posted on January 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Death, Drunks, Film, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Tourists

…At Which Point, Yell “Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!” Just to Freak Him Out

Brunch woman #1: You let a four-year old watch Beetlejuice?
Brunch woman #2: It's not that scary.
Brunch woman #1: Let him come into your room in the middle of the night and suck your tit until he falls asleep!

–Rosewater Restaurant, Park Slope

Posted on December 31, 2014
Age/Aging, Babies, Fears, Film, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

How PhDs Say “That Shit Sucked”

Girl, after watching Annie Hall: So, that was your first Woody Allen movie? What did you think?
Guy: It was very Larry David-esque.

–Movies Under the Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Smart Alex/ You Know Nothing of My Work!

Posted on December 30, 2014
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Film, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, TV