Dude: Can you stick out your freakishly long tongue again?
Chick: Only if you promise not to put a macaroon on it.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: it really was freakishly long
Dude: Can you stick out your freakishly long tongue again?
Chick: Only if you promise not to put a macaroon on it.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: it really was freakishly long
Old lady: This is a full sandwich. I said half sandwich.
Waiter: What’s the big deal? I won’t charge you for the whole thing — just eat half.
Old lady: No, no, you don’t understand — I am claustrophobic.
–Flagship Diner, Queens
Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast.
–Stoned Crow, Washington Place
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Flea: I eat four boxes of blueberries a day; it makes my cock big.
–Randall’s Island
Overheard by: AJIN
Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit.
–Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd
Upper West Side girl #1: Wow! You've totally lost weight.
Upper West Side girl #2: I still eat what I want… I just eat fewer meals.
Upper West Side girl #2: So, what? You eat like one meal a day?
Upper West Side girl #1: More like one and a half.
Upper West Side girl #2: Well, you look great!
–ATM, 72nd St & Columbus
Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.
–110th & Broadway
Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: NYU girl
Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Helene and Alice
Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)
–M4 Bus
Princess #1: I had to run to the cafeteria and get fro-yo because my stomach was growling in class! How embarrassing is that?
Princess #2: Oh my god. That is my worst nightmare.
–Fordham University Rose Hill
Overheard by: stine
Girl #1: I have no idea what happened, but when I woke up my bed was full of clam chowder.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Really!
–Q train
Salesguy #1: Dude, I think I smell or something…
Salesguy #2: You smell like the robust combination of onions and poop.
–The Puma Store, Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: Jeeps
