Dad, to group of six-year-olds: What do you guys want to play today?
Boy: Crab salad!
Dad, confused: How in the world do you “play” crab salad?
Boy: We cover ourselves with mayonnaise and then run around and pinch each other!
–Central Park Playground
Overheard by: Mark
Foreign taxi driver: If you know anything, you find job in New York. If you know nothing, you drive cab.
–Upper West Side
Cab driver to woman who just cut him off: Hey lady, learn how to drive! Go back to Park Slope!
–28th & Park Ave
Overheard by: natasha
Crazy drunken taxi driver: Do chicken wings cause pregnancy?
–West Side Highway
Overheard by: amalthya
Smelly cabbie to patrons: Oh, the smell! That is just fish water. Someone threw fish water all over my cab. That is the stink.
–48th St & Lexington
Overheard by: anon
Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart.
–Popeye’s, Bay Ridge
Girl #1: I just want to get laid!
Girl #2: Well, based on his texts, that's obviously not going to happen.
Girl #1, sighing: You're right…let's just get greasy drunk food.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Old woman: I bought this Caesar salad, but I don’t know where to get the dressing. Please, can you tell me where I can get some dressing?
Cute girl: Ummm, I don’t know. I’ve never had a salad here before.
Old woman: But where do you think the dressing could be?
Cute girl: Well, possibly in the refrigerator over there… where they keep the drinks?
Old woman: Are you sure?
Cute girl: Well, that’s my hypothesis, but it hasn’t been tested.
–Le Pain Quotidien, 58th & 7th
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
–Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
–The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
–Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
–Fordham Gym
Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.
–6 train
Overheard by: P. Von Kant
Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?
–9th St. & 2nd Ave
Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Dan Arcuri
Italian lady: I think soemtimes I even like coming grocery shopping more for the music they play than the food selection they have.
Spanish guy: Eh, they never have any reggaeton.
Italian lady: Oh, are you sure it’s not in the pasta section?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Hipster #1: It’s just that after having Italian ice cream, I just don’t get American ice cream.
Hipster #2: No, totally… And have you had their sodas? They’re all good!
–L train, Bedford Ave
Overheard by: mbrowning
Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.
–A Train
Overheard by: SBroto
Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.
–Shuttle to Grand Central
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca
Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?
–Central Park
Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!
–4th & Broadway
Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)
–1 Train
