Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.
–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.
–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
Dude: It's all koala!
Friend: Haha, dude! Koala bear!
–81st St
Overheard by: personally perfers polar bears
Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: Alistar Spencer
20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.
–Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Sam
Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!
–Union Square
Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!
–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: POLA
Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: baby g
Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.
–St. Mark's & Ave. A
Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?
–R Train
Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?
–Nederlander Theater
Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.
–89th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!
–Broome St
Overheard by: Kate
Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.
–Classroom, NYU
Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Dude who's that chick in the picture on your phone?
Tall friend: Oh, it's my niece.
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Buzzkill.
–Bowlmor Night Club
Overheard by: Revere La Noue
Bro #1: I mean, you can't turn that down.
Bro #2: Right, you can't turn that down! I mean, she had boobs!
–University Place & North Washington Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
20-something #1: You are so different than you were in middle school!
20-something #2: I know, I just quit smoking.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Allison
Cranky old guy: I used to get so goddamn pissed at that old rat bastard Frankie. Sometimes I wanted to snuff him out. He was a good dude, though, y'know?
Old buddies #1 and #2: Word!
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
20-something male #1: Dude, all she did all week was stay out late, get drunk, and hook up with random guys.
20-something male #2: Yeah, but that's what vacation is for.
20-something male #1: Not when it's your 13-year-old sister!
–Gramercy
Overheard by: She said she was 19
Old man walking dog (bumping into ghetto girl #1): Watch where you're going, bitch!
Ghetto girl #1 (turning and running after old man, wielding thick Harry Potter book as a weapon): That man just called me a bitch!
Ghetto girl #2 (running after friend): He was talking to the dog! Put the book down! His dog is a bitch!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: She-Who-Never-Uses-HP-As-A-Weapon
