Woman: Hey, who's the kid?
Friend: Oh, he's coming with me for “Take Your Kid to Work Day.”
Woman: I didn't know you had a son.
Friend: I don't. This is my nephew. He was stealing money from my purse, so I'm gonna make his life hell for a day.
15-year-old (sarcastically): Yeah, because any day I get to miss school is total hell for me.
Friend: Shut your hole or I'll leave you for the hobos!
–F Train
Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.
–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria
Overheard by: ALi
Brown girl: Oh my god, did you see the new Cheetah Girls movie? The one where they go to India? It's so offensive!
White friend: To what? Cheetahs?
Brown girl: Brown people?
–Stuyvesant High School
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.
–47th & Lexington
30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"
–Bleecker St & 6th Ave
Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!
–Phone Booth, Coney Island
Overheard by: not going there
Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.
–Park Ave
Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.
–12th St & Ave A
Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!
–7th Ave & LeRoy St
Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.
–L Train
Overheard by: Kansas
Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.
–Coffe Bar Lounge
Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth
Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Joy
Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.
–Stuyvesant Square
Overheard by: Peanut
Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: Austin G.
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?
–Pratt Institute
Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!
–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"
–112 & Broadway
Overheard by: Nathan
Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stacy
Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!
–Bryant Park
Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.
–Q Train
Overheard by: katiek
Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!
–Court St & Bergen
Overheard by: Siobhan
Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!
–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill
Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway
Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.
–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington
Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!
–Stuyvesant High School
Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.
–The Strand
Mom with stroller: It's not the strippers I'm mad about, it's the 1,200 dollars.
Friend: Totally.
Mom with stroller: He could have bought me the diamond earrings I've been wanting with that.
Friend: Oh, the little diamond studs you keep talking about? I love those.
–7th Ave & Bleecker
Overheard by: John E
