Jew boy: So wait… When Israelis talk to boring people they're just like, “You're boring. I hate you.”?”
Jew chick (nodding enthusiastically): Yeah!
–87th & Lexington
Overheard by: MacDutchman
Jew boy: So wait… When Israelis talk to boring people they're just like, “You're boring. I hate you.”?”
Jew chick (nodding enthusiastically): Yeah!
–87th & Lexington
Overheard by: MacDutchman
Girl: 12 son!
Guy: What?
Girl: That's my number.
Guy: Who was the 12th?
Girl: Some guy that picked me up off the side of the road, literally.
Guy: Well, did he at least pay you for it?
Girl: No, I felt bad that he had to take me home, so I paid him… with my vagina.
–Central Park
Overheard by: it's as good as cash
20-something guy: You know, it's like people hate me for having money. But it's like, my parents worked *really* hard for that money, and they worked for it for *me*. So I deserve it.
20-something girl: Yeaaah. I know.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle & Jen
Unenthusiastic 20-something girl: So, uh, he’s officially my boyfriend now.
Friend: So does that mean you are officially putting out now?
–49th St & 8th Ave
Headline by: kk
Runners-Up:
· “Facebook Decides to Expand the ‘It’s Complicated’ Option” – betty
· “I Guess I’m Officially Cheating on Him Now Too” – Chris
· “No, He’s Still Getting Laid Under the Table” – Professor Coldheart
· “No, That’s Still Unofficial. I’m Catholic.” – c
· “Once My PR Puts Out the Media Release.” – winnie
· “When Government Overregulates” – Vasyl
Girl #1: I don't know where he met her. All I know is that she can't play charades for shit and she's half Greek.
Girl #2: What do you mean she cant play charades? And I thought she was from Argentina.
Girl #1: Whatever. The point is, I take charades really seriously. How the hell do you act out The Cosby Show? Who comes up with that?
Girl #2: Wow. That's amazing.
–5th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Female baggage handler to male colleague: I don't drink tequila no more. That's how I got my first kid.
–LaGuardia Airport
Very impressed girl on cell: Whoa! You actually remembered her name this time? Were you not drunk?
–12th St & University Place
Overheard by: Mr. Hedge
Seemingly sober grad student: Let's face it. We'll be drunk in (checks watch) fifteen minutes.
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
NYC police officer: How hard can it be to find a drunk person on this floor?
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Vanessa
Girl with drink, to friends: This will have to be my last one, guys, I have to go babysit.
–Greenwich Ave & Charles Street
Overheard by: Jodi
Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate.
–Sly Fox Bar
Overheard by: Cait O'Connor
Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man… No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology!
–Bronx 2 Train
Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow… now they re talking to your brain!
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: michael
Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think.
–R Train
High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode.
–Wendy's
Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom… It doesn't count.
–Murray Hill
40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.
–19th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: McCrum
Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?
–40th & Queens Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Ohmarkus
Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.
–Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building
Overheard by: nycResident
Dude: I'm thinking about going to the Philharmonic concert tonight in Central Park.
Chick: Hmm, interesting. I just don't know that I could sit through a harmonica concert.
Dude: No, no, it's the *Phil* harmonic concert.
Chick: Oh! (pause) Who is that?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: andrew
