Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

Good–Then You’ve Passed the Test

Super-drunk girl to girlfriend: Let’s make out!
Not-so-drunk girl: (awkward laughter)
Super-drunk girl: (loud drunken laughter) Wanna make out?
Not-so-drunk girl: Not at all!

–1st Ave b/w 7th & 8th

Posted on June 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

No New York Jury Would Convict Me of Murdering Her

Guy, to girl: …and when I told her it was an espresso she said she hadn’t ordered that. She said she had ordered coffee.
Guy and girl, at the same time: An espresso is coffee!
Guy: And then she said: “Can I get some milk for this?”
Girl: Oh my god, are you serious?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on June 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Coffee, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Stupidity, The Village, Weirdness

Lucille Ball: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

20-something girl: I thought you said this walk was only fifteen minutes?
Eastern European guy: This is a walk of shame! Walk of shaaaame.
20-something girl (looking sad): That isn’t what this is, is it?

–Dunkin Donuts, Nostrand and Lafayette

Overheard by: Kire

Posted on June 24, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Time, Weirdness

That Was 40K a Year Well-Spent

Guy on microphone, chanting: NYU! NYU!
Girl: What are they spelling?

–NYU Grad Alley

Overheard by: Proud to not be an NYU student

Posted on June 24, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Idiots, NYU, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Wasn’t That What We Agreed Upon Online?

[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!

–Diner, Upper East Side

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Gripes, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side

He’ll Give Me a Glass Slipper. I’ll Think It’s a Hat. We’ll Laugh and Laugh

Black girl #1: I wanna date a white boy. One that looks like a skater.
Black girl #2: No, not me. I want an intellectual, so I could act all ignorant around him and he’d still love me.

–158th & St Nicks

Overheard by: jay r.

Posted on June 23, 2008
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Education, Girls, Love, Physical appearance, Race, The Bronx, Wishes & desires

When My Fingers Have That Problem You Call It a Crime

Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I have a problem keeping my fingers out of my vagina.
Guy friend (to her back): Wow. You have never been hotter.

–Madison Square Garden

Posted on June 23, 2008
Compliments, Default, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, Masturbation, On Cell, Teens, Vagina

And Thus, the Backwards Cowgirl Was Born

Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.

–69th St

Headline by: Moon

Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 23, 2008
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Boys, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Offers and requests, Questions, Theater

Hag Recruiting Starts With an Attack on the Candidate’s Self-Esteem

Flamboyant NYU guy: Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long!
Ditzy NYU girl: I know, right? Oh my god!
Flamboyant NYU guy: This is, like, so weird! I was just thinking about you!
Ditzy NYU girl: Aw, cute! When?
Flamboyant NYU guy: I was all alone at home on Friday night and feeling really depressed and then I realized you probably didn’t have any plans either! That made me feel better!
Ditzy NYU girl: Hah… Wait, what?

–W. 4th & Greene St

Overheard by: jon

Posted on June 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Questions, Relationships, Students, The Village, Weirdness

Girls