Girls

Antarctica Doesn't Look a Day Over a Billion

Girl #1, holding bottle of water: Do you think this water is bad?
Girl #2: How long have you had it for?
Girl #1: I don't know, I found it in my freezer.
Girl #2: No, it's probably good, freezing things keep them fresh.

–9th St & Ave A

Headline by: Nick Pollotta

Runners-Up:
· “…. According to the Jeffrey Dahmer Cookbook” – the amoeba
· “As I Learned at Grave-Digging Camp” – Muse on the Loose
· “But Just to Be Safe, I Would Boil It” – Max Million
· “Every Night I Put My Pussy on Ice” – DickintheHandisWorthTwoBushes
· “Just Ask Walt Disney’s Head” – PeterG
· “Just Look What It Does for Nipples!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Water, Sperm, Human Hearts…” – loves fresh sperm, personally

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

It’s Very Cute

Hipster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Facebook pictures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hipster boy: Really? You should.
Hipster girl: I’m checking them right now.
Hipster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pictures of my penis on there.
Hipster girl: Oh, I’m used to that.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln

Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Overheard by: I know what they're called

And by “Do” I Mean “Steal Your Money and Jerk Off on Your Shoe”

Girl to friend: Fucking prick!
Hobo: Girl, you nasty. You nasty, but I’d still do ya.

–6 train platform, 33rd St

Isn't That an Old Irish Pub Song?

Dude: Don't take your drink in the bathroom with you, that's gross.
Chick: Well, I'm not going to pee in it, I'm going to drink it while I pee!

–Blind Tiger Ale House, Bleecker Street

You'd Get Tired Of Them in a Week, Same As the Rest of Us

Little girl, happily: And that's why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why's that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!

–City Hall

I Mean, Who Wants to See Seussical the Musical?

Girl #1: I met a guy. He's paying for tickets.
Girl #2: Oh, does he have money?
Girl #1: Of course! I wouldn't do it otherwise.

–Forest Hills

For a Straight Guy, That's Always a Persuasive Argument

Hipster guy: So, I just don't have room.
Smartass girl: You have room for me in your bed.
Hipster guy, after long pause: Ummm, maybe.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Yours Truly

He Wasn’t, Incidentally

Hot girl #1: It’s the guy on the end of the train.
Hot girl #2: Wow. It’s amazing the human body can smell like that and still be alive.

–Coney Island-bound F train

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty

Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Overheard by: NTA

Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.

–2nd St & Ave B

Overheard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial

Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway rider

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Alina

College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!

–Broome St

Overheard by: YJL

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