Comedy club promoter: Do you like asparagus?
Random person: No.
Comedy club promoter: Me either!
–14th St & Broadway
Overheard by: shayshay
Comedy club promoter: Do you like asparagus?
Random person: No.
Comedy club promoter: Me either!
–14th St & Broadway
Overheard by: shayshay
Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality?
–110th & Amsterdam
Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold!
–50th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina.
–NYU
Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me.
–Archbold Theater
Overheard by: nice
Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok?
–55th St & 8th
Little girl (sad and upset): You guys always go to my favorite restaurants when I’m not there… like Pizzeria Uno.
Mom (annoyed): Just because you’re not there doesn’t mean we can’t do it.
–Mercer & 3rd
Overheard by: Sizzle
Girl: Did you bring me my brownie mix?
Guy: No; where’s that dude you were with the other night, anyway?
Girl: Who cares? He couldn’t deliver the steel.
–Prince & Elizabeth
Bag lady with a cane: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman! I don't mean to bother you but…
Crazy hobo, interrupting: Then don't! I hate people who say “sorry to bother you.” Just stop bothering me!
Bag lady with a cane: Fuck you!
Crazy hobo: You ain't even really crippled! I sold you that cane!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Whiny old man: I hate the cold. I get so cold I hafta take a hot shower every night. How 'bout you?
Old woman: Well, Eddy, you're supposed to take showers all the time.
Whiny old man: How about that OJ Simpson?
–B3 Bus
Overheard by: Laura E.
Blonde college student: Where is the start button?
Guy (pointing to computer CPU on floor and its start button): There you go, it's on there.
Blonde college student: That's so annoying that they put it all the way down there.
–City University of New York
Girl: Yo, my neighborhood is so ghetto.
Guy: What? It isn’t ghetto. You’ve got a doormat.
–1 train
Conductor: This Eighth Avenue-bound L train is now an express train to Eighth Avenue because a couple of you are idiots who thought holding the doors would get you where you’re going faster. I hope this teaches you all a lesson.
–Union Square
Conductor: Please do not hold the closing doors! [Fifteen seconds later] Fine, hold the doors! I’m already at work!
–4 train
Overheard by: On-Nee-Mall
Indian MTA employee: Please do not hold the doors… [Slightly agitated] Please do not hold the doors! [Very agitated] Are you so stupid! Only someone stupid would hold the doors!
–1 train
Conductor: Do you people realize that there are 30 doors on this train? Must you all do a conga line in front of one of them?! Don’t you need music for that?!
–96th St
Conductor: Stop holding the doors! You hold the doors open and the train doesn’t run smoothly! And this is the only train in the city that works!
–7 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Bratty kid to mother: I hate this! I'd rather we went to the zoo instead.
Unrelated older teenage girl: I'd rather be here than have a llama spit on me at the zoo.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: KJPepper
