Dude: So what have you been up to lately?
Gay friend: Oh, nothing. (pause) Oh! I've been writing a book about Shrek!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Cori
Dude: So what have you been up to lately?
Gay friend: Oh, nothing. (pause) Oh! I've been writing a book about Shrek!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Cori
Guy #1: No, step one is cut a hole in the box.
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, I guess if you did it the other way around it would be kind of dangerous.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Patrick
Guy: Maybe we get a whiteboard so you list out that day's issues before we get on the subway.
Girl: I'm done talking.
Guy: We weren't talking: you were making statements of what I do wrong.
–N Train
Buff 20-something black guy: Yeah, she was that one I was going out with last summer.
Tall 30-something black guy: So what happened?
Buff younger black guy: She got fat! In like two weeks! And also, she was cheating on me: she never told me she hadn't broken up with her boyfriend at the time!
–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: megan rose
Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?
–78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Bob
Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…
–SoHo
Overheard by: Another human female
Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.
–31st St
Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…
–3rd & 23rd
Overheard by: tila
Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.
Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!
–Union Square Station
Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!
–South Ferry Terminal
Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!
–G Train
Overheard by: lucyruth
Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.
–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: julie f
Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"
–Met Life Building
Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!
–F Train
Overheard by: BLAH
Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.
–Gramercy
Overheard by: Max
Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: snow. trust me.
Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: queenofscots
Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!
–W 4th St
Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!
–140th St & Amsterdam
Guy #1: So I heard Tina is getting that abortion.
Guy #2: Ya, it's her eighth one.
–Times Square
Overheard by: jake kirby
20-something guy #1: So would you fuck Oprah?
20-something guy #2: What? No. Why?
20-something guy #1: Well, I thought you might. Cause you like black chicks, right? And you like fat chicks…I thought you'd be down for a fat black chick.
20-something guy #2: Hell no. You gotta keep the fat ones white.
–C Train
Overheard by: So make sure to wash them with bleach.
