Guy: How was the weekend? Were the kids well-behaved?
Woman: It was fine, they were great.
Guy: How was Max at night? He sometimes gets lonely and starts crying.
Woman: Hmm, I don’t know. I locked them out of my room.
Guy, yelling: You what?!? How could you? You know how they are at night!
[pause.]Woman, unruffled: They are pets. Not kids. Pets. And I don’t sleep with dogs that weigh more than I do.
–Starbucks, 20th St & 6th Ave
Guy: You could try working out.
Girl: I do work out.
Guy: Are you going to take that hip-hop class?
Girl: No.
Guy: I think I’m going to take that hip-hop class just so I can serve you. I’m going to go down there and serve you.
–3rd Avenue & 11th Street
Guy: Let me ask you something: A lady sits down next to you on the train and you keep inching towards me. Why? When a lady sits down, you inch towards her, not me! Why are you inchin’ towards me? What’s wrong with New Yorkers, all scared of women?
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: Alana C
Guy #1, in elevator at criminal courthouse: I don't understand. Why is it that every time I get arrested and come to court for something I did, they pull me aside and lock me up for something I didn't do? All I have to do is touch the door of the courthouse and they pull me aside and tell me I robbed the family dollar store! Why would I rob the family dollar?
Guy #2 in elevator: It's a family! Trying to make a dollar!
Guy #1: Exactly!
–Criminal Courthouse, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NYC Kim
Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?
–72nd & West End
Overheard by: orlum
Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!
–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway
Overheard by: bonster
Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…
–S 2nd & Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?
Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!
–Union Square Park
Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.
–Ridgewood, Queens
Overheard by: Grytsayo
Guy #1: You the Grinch, nigga!
Guy #2: I'm the Grinch? How?
Guy #1: I dunno. You just the Grinch.
Guy #2: You're the Grinch, you little fuck!
Guy #1: I can't be the Grinch. I have Christmas spirit.
–F Train
Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.
–Broadway & 86th St
Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Giancarlo
Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.
–Diner, 3rd Ave
Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"
–Battery Park
Young boy: Mom, my problem is that I just can’t pay attention for long enough to do my homework the right way. I mean, maybe it’s’s just the weed talking, but I’d like to see someone.
–Washington Square Park
Guy #1: Yo, I don’t even believe in water, alls I drink is Pepsi.
Guy #2: Yep yep, water’s for pussies.
–47th & 9th
Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we’re from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you’re from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: guy who dropped a couple of the cigarette butts
