Carrie Bradshaw Sucks at Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sarah

Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.

–Casa Mono

Overheard by: foodie

Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!

–32nd St & 5th Ave

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!

–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th

Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.

Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.

–C Train

Overheard by: gretchen

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

Color-Coordinated Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year.

–House Party, Lorimer St

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and they’re all called Renae.

–Central Park

Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The color of money being green isn’t one of them.

–90th & 1st

Overheard by: Sam

Sad suit: Their yogurt is just too white.

–Outside Pinkberry in Koreatown

Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Middle aged gay man: Alright! I like colored pens! There, I said it.

–42nd St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Depressed, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Hair, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Queer guys, Store, Suits, Upper East Side, Women

Maybe They’re in an Open Marriage (We’re Just Putting That Out There…)

Young woman #1: Oh, so that guy I slept with the other week? He’s my friend on Facebook now. Did you see him?
Young woman #2: Is he the bald guy?
Young woman #1: No, he has dark hair. His profile picture is him kissing his wife at their wedding.
Young woman #2: He’s married?
Young woman #1: Yeah, I guess so.

–Starbucks, 19th & 8th

Overheard by: My husband is not on Facebook.

Posted on June 17, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Facebook, Friends, Hair, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Marriage, Questions, Starbucks, Women

It Might Be Time for Yogi to Find His Own Place

NYU girl #1: There is hair everywhere in my life.
NYU girl #2: Really?
NYU girl #1: It’s literally in everything I eat.

–NYU Dorm

Posted on June 13, 2008
Default, Food, Friends, Girls, Hair, NYU, Residence halls, Students, Weirdness

All Porn Points to “Yes”

Asian boy: So I went on a date with this guy -and this has happened before- he asked me if I shave my arms! And I was like: “No… I’m Asian.”
White girl: Are Asians hairless?

–5 Mott Street

Overheard by: Laura B

Headline by: Toby

Runners-Up:
· “Asians Also Lack a Four-Chambered Heart.” – Matthew
· “Later He Asked Me If I’d Had Penis Reduction Surgery” – Jazz Musician
· “Racism Isn’t Waning – It’s Waxing” – Alchar Haven
· “What Do You Think We Are, Mammals?” – kew
· “Why Anime and Furries Just Don’t Mix!” – GeekGrrl
· “Yes, But We All Buy the Same Wigs” – Melissa
· “Yes, It Makes Us More Aerodynamic So We Breeze Through Those Math Classes.” – JohnnyB

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 12, 2008
Asians, Boys, Chinatown, Dating, Girls, Hair, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Race, Waxing, White People

Is That Still the Default Setting for Girls?

Stressed guy: But what are you going to do with no hair?!
Stressed girl: I don’t know… Have a baby?

–L Train

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on May 29, 2008
Babies, Default, Girls, Guys, Hair, On the Subway, Questions, Waxing

At Least They’re Not Pedophile Glasses

Obnoxious Latino #1: Man, that guy was such a faggot! With that mohawk and those gay-ass glasses.
Obnoxious Latino #2: Hey, I’m wearing the same glasses.
[Silence.]

–1 Train

Posted on May 12, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Hair, Insults, Latinos, On the Subway, Physical appearance

Asian People Have Jobs

Hot drunk girl #1: Hey, Alice, can Asian people have dreadlocks?
Hot drunk guy: No, you have to be black or Jewish.
Hot drunk girl #2: I’m Jewish!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dreadless Jew

Posted on April 27, 2008
Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hair, Judaism, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, The Village

So What’s the Going Rate for Hairballing, Anyway?

Drunk dude #1: He has a total hair fetish.
Drunk dude #2: How do you know?
Drunk dude #1: Remember Kathy?
Drunk dude #3: The whore?
Drunk dude #1: Yeah. Well, he asked her how much it’d be to rub her hair on his balls, and she said $50.

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Jordan

Posted on April 24, 2008
Balls, Default, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Hair, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Prostitution, Questions, Sex