Nothing Healthier Than Being Unable to Start a Fire

Dude: Do you have any matches?
Shop guy: Buddy, this is a health store, I sure hope we don’t have any matches.
Dude: Oh…yeah…I guess you are right.

–Matany Health Food, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Jason B.

Posted on September 23, 2014
Customers, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Stupidity, Williamsburg

Important Safety Tip — Thanks, Crackarella

Bus driver: I have a headache.
Female passenger: It’s the color television. It messes with your brain and gives you headaches. I watch it wearing sunglasses so it doesn’t affect me.

–BX 12 bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
Bus Drivers, Crazies, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Pop Culture, The Bronx, TV

Or Maybe Her Water Broke

Chick: Damn, that guy there is sweating up a shitstorm.
Guy: Fat people do that when they exert themselves.
Chick: Yeah, but that ain’t no normal sweating; he’s leaking from his butt.
Guy: How do you know that’s sweat? He might be covering up his need to piss with excessive sweating.

–42nd & 9th

Posted on September 20, 2014
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Just Keep the Veil Down and Hope for the Best

Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!

–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green

Overheard by: Really was blushing…

Posted on September 17, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Physical appearance

You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?

Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.

–N Train

Overheard by: dc visitor

Posted on September 17, 2014
Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Parents, Pizza, Questions, Strippers

Then He Bought Me a Car, So We're Even

Queer #1: So my dad put the dog's medicine in my eye. It worked, but I was completely scandalized!
Queer #2: Yeah.

–MoNH

Posted on September 16, 2014
Body Parts, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Lesbians, Man's Best Friend, More museums

Through the Beaded Curtain

Boyfriend: What are you looking for?
Girlfriend, looking at signs above aisles: ‘Rectal.’

–Target, Atlantic Center

Posted on September 10, 2014
Ass, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene

Van Helsing Put His Stake in Her

Girl: Oh god! That woman stinks of garlic.
Guy #1 : What, the one picking her nose?
Guy #2: Maybe she’s trying to dislodge a clove of it or something…
Girl: No, it’s more chest-based. Like she rubbed it all over her breasts.

–F train

Posted on September 7, 2014
Food, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Bust Out One-Armed Pushups for Fun

Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.

–44th & 3rd

Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…

–25th & Lexington

Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Eyeteeth

Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!

–Vanderbilt & Bergen

Overheard by: Jilly

Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.

–Prospect Park Loop

Overheard by: EmLo