Chick: Damn, that guy there is sweating up a shitstorm.
Guy: Fat people do that when they exert themselves.
Chick: Yeah, but that ain’t no normal sweating; he’s leaking from his butt.
Guy: How do you know that’s sweat? He might be covering up his need to piss with excessive sweating.
–42nd & 9th
Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!
–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green
Overheard by: Really was blushing…
Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.
–N Train
Overheard by: dc visitor
Queer #1: So my dad put the dog's medicine in my eye. It worked, but I was completely scandalized!
Queer #2: Yeah.
–MoNH
Boyfriend: What are you looking for?
Girlfriend, looking at signs above aisles: ‘Rectal.’
–Target, Atlantic Center
Girl: Oh god! That woman stinks of garlic.
Guy #1 : What, the one picking her nose?
Guy #2: Maybe she’s trying to dislodge a clove of it or something…
Girl: No, it’s more chest-based. Like she rubbed it all over her breasts.
–F train
Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.
–44th & 3rd
Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…
–25th & Lexington
Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!
–Vanderbilt & Bergen
Overheard by: Jilly
Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.
–Prospect Park Loop
Overheard by: EmLo
Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on!
–12th & Broadway
Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide!
–Lucky Jack's
Overheard by: Argopelter
Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!
–1st Ave & 10th
Overheard by: moodle
Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection!
–34th & 2nd
Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class.
–St Marks & 2nd Ave
Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please?
–Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Coworker #1: Yeah, I'm either totally energized or totally dead. Completely on or completely off.
Coworker #2: How binary of you.
–25th St & Broadway
Guy: Okay, here’s the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Susan, then I’ll have sex with…someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed…
–1st Ave
Overheard by: chris & daile
Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smoking weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I started smoking cigarettes again.
–G train
Queer on cell, taking deep drags of cigarette: No, I’m not! I told you I quit. [Exhales] Umm, that was just me blowing my bangs out of my eyes.
–Outside Bally Fitness, 50th St
Smoker: I read somewhere that if you quit smoking by the time you are middle aged your body can still recover, and I thought, “Great I still have a couple more years to quit.” Then I read what they define “middle aged” as. I’m fucked!
–Upper East Side gallery
