Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on September 28, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Poop, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Cue Nostalgic Bouncing Montage

Middle-aged guy: So yeah, after I broke my ankle playing racquetball, I can’t really play basketball anymore.
Old guy: Well, can you still go hiking?
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I guess so, since it’s not like, high impact.
Old guy: …What about trampolines?
Middle-aged guy: Naw, man. Those days are over.

–A train

Overheard by: Aryn M

Posted on September 27, 2014
Football, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, On the Subway

This Medal Smells Funny

Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.

–Bodega, Houston & 6th

Posted on September 27, 2014
Advice, Bodegas, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, People, Places, Poop, Soho, Topics, Venues

Nothing Healthier Than Being Unable to Start a Fire

Dude: Do you have any matches?
Shop guy: Buddy, this is a health store, I sure hope we don’t have any matches.
Dude: Oh…yeah…I guess you are right.

–Matany Health Food, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Jason B.

Posted on September 23, 2014
Customers, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Stupidity, Williamsburg

Important Safety Tip — Thanks, Crackarella

Bus driver: I have a headache.
Female passenger: It’s the color television. It messes with your brain and gives you headaches. I watch it wearing sunglasses so it doesn’t affect me.

–BX 12 bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
Bus Drivers, Crazies, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Pop Culture, The Bronx, TV

Or Maybe Her Water Broke

Chick: Damn, that guy there is sweating up a shitstorm.
Guy: Fat people do that when they exert themselves.
Chick: Yeah, but that ain’t no normal sweating; he’s leaking from his butt.
Guy: How do you know that’s sweat? He might be covering up his need to piss with excessive sweating.

–42nd & 9th

Posted on September 20, 2014
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Just Keep the Veil Down and Hope for the Best

Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!

–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green

Overheard by: Really was blushing…

Posted on September 17, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Physical appearance

You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?

Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night… Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.

–N Train

Overheard by: dc visitor