Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Coney Island, Creepsters, Death, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Internet, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Maybe–Like Its Owner–It Wasn’t Raised Right

Guy #1: I took the day off. I’m going up to Long Island City to see the doctor.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? What’s the matter?
Guy #1: I have to get this boil looked at.
Guy #2: Sorry to hear that.
Guy #1: Yeah, well…normally it’s not a problem. I just pop it and it all goes away, but this one, man, I’ve popped it three times and it’s still big and painful as hell. Normally I don’t complain about these things, but man, this one is right below my balls…and it’s killing me! They tell me it’s a hair growing the wrong way. How does a hair do that?

–A train

Posted on October 16, 2014
Balls, Friends, Hair, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway

Plus, They Cooked Their Own

Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don't destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It's not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm-hmm.

–5th St & 19th St

Posted on October 11, 2014
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Heroin, Tattoos

Wednesday One-liners for the Tots

Little girl: Mommy, how old will I be when I have sex?

–18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mayde and Daniel

Posted on October 10, 2014
College, Elevators, Fordham, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Violence

That's Not What My Junior High School Nurse Said!

Sleazy woman: You can stay over my place, and I'll blow ya and stuff, but would ya mind if we didn't screw? I'm still gettin' over a pregnancy.
Sleazier man: Well, it's not like contagious or anything…

–Night Club, Midtown

Posted on October 10, 2014
Bars & Clubs, BJs, Health and Hygiene, Hootchies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex

Though I'm Sure Marlon Brando Is Trying.

Mom, visibly winded and tired : Why are we walking so much?
30-something daughter: To work up an appetite for dinner.
Mom: Dead people don't eat.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Posted on October 10, 2014
Death, Fitness, Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Questions, Street, West Village

I Know A Guy Who Might Be Interested

Woman, 70s: …she’s had a heart attack, her legs don’t work, and on top of all that, she’s crazy!

–St. Vincent’s Hospital elevator

Overheard by: Jay Parkinson

Posted on October 9, 2014
Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Old People, One-liners

Single White Kidney Stone

Breakfast lady: So it's like me and her have the same health history.
Breakfast parents: Oh, yeah?
Breakfast lady: Yeah, I had just come home from the doctor and I called her, and I was telling her what happened and she goes “oh my god! I have to pass stones, too!” Her doctor said it may be hereditary, though.

–Marriott, Times Square

Posted on October 6, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hotels, Medicine, Parents, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Despite Her Mother’s Hints and Suggestions, Lisa Went to Oberlin and Never Returned

Teen girl: I’ve never figured out all those different deodorant smells. Why do you need deodorant with different smells?
Mother: Well, maybe someday you’ll have a boyfriend you’ll want to impress.
Teen girl: By having fruity armpits?
Mother: You never know, he might want to smell them.

–Union Square

Posted on October 4, 2014
Body Parts, Dating, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Scents of the City, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Health and Hygiene