Teen girl: Man, I didn’t do anything this week to make me less sick.
Teen guy: Yeah, you smoked, drank, and sucked dick.
Teen girl: I didn’t drink.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
Teen girl: Man, I didn’t do anything this week to make me less sick.
Teen guy: Yeah, you smoked, drank, and sucked dick.
Teen girl: I didn’t drink.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
Tall brunette: No — ovulating! There’s a difference between menstruating and ovulating.
Short brunette: I still don’t get it.
–Olive Garden
Guy: You know, I can never be in the Air Force.
Girl: Well, not really. There’s always the whole ‘Don’t tell’ thing.
Guy: But it’s on my record!
Girl: What? Did you have to file for your gay card or something?
Guy: … I meant because of my bad vision!
–Metro-North train
WASP #1: You look so tan!
WASP #2: Oh, no, it’s actually just high blood pressure.
WASP #3: Well, it sure suits you!
–Armory Show
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Girl on cell, smiling and laughing: Maybe because he’s a cripple!
–Pavilion Movie Theater
Overheard by: Jamie F
Running tween girl to friend: I’m going to give you breast cancer, you idiot!
–Times Square
Yuppie woman on cell and pushing empty wheelchair: Honey, guess what? I’m not a paraplegic anymore! No, seriously! Isn’t that great?!
–12th & 3rd
Suit on cell: You shouldn’t feel bad for the boy who cried uterine trouble.
–A train
Overheard by: Sue
Woman to street vendor: That’s the problem with my inverted uterus…
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: BT
Genius holding her breath to cure hiccups: Oh my god, I hate the hiccups. I mean, seriously. The hiccups are the most annoying thing ever. Like, if I had the choice of having cancer or the hiccups, I would choose cancer. I mean, I know people who’ve had cancer, and the hiccups are way more annoying.
–N train
Overheard by: jessica
Jersey chick to friend, after denying deaf panhandler: I mean, if he were missing a limb or something, that would be one thing…
–NJT train from Penn Station
Overheard by: gotta draw the line somewhere
20-ish guy: Your glasses can’t be bad, you just got them!
20-ish girl: Yeah, but I cheated on the eye exam, so it’s really my own fault…
20-ish guy: … That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
20-ish girl: I can’t help it, I’m very competitive!
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
Columbia dude #1: B-b-but, but, dude, she asked me why I shaved my balls.
Columbia dude #2: Shhh!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Headline by: Kris
Runners-Up:
· “…Next Time Don’t Walk Around Your Mom’s House Naked” – RBNY
· “A Secret Strong Enough For A Man, But Made For A Woman” – Vasyl
· “Best Job Interview Ever” – Rajath Vikram
· “Hopefully his hand doesn’t stutter like that when he’s shaving” – Peter B
· “Testicular Aerodynamics Under Fire” – Matt
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
–Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!
–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
–The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
Tween #1: Wow, that’s cute! He was gonna eat her booger for a hand job?
Tween #2: It was, like, a monster booger…
–Montague & Henry St, Brooklyn Heights
Hispanic woman #1: … And he was all, ‘You’re not sick, it’s your diet.’
Hispanic woman #2: But you’re not on a diet.
Hispanic woman #1: No, no, he meant what I eat makes me sick. Then I told him when I’m sick I take NyQuil, and he said I can’t do that.
Hispanic woman #2: Why not?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, he’s a Holocaust.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Lepidus
