Rider #1: I see so many girls I want to have sex with when I ride.
Rider #2: That’s because everyone out here is athletic.
Rider #1: Yeah!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jeremy Willinger
Rider #1: I see so many girls I want to have sex with when I ride.
Rider #2: That’s because everyone out here is athletic.
Rider #1: Yeah!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jeremy Willinger
Hobo: Miss, do you have a nickel or a dime?
Hot girl: No, I don’t.
Hobo, excitedly: Okay, thanks! Have a great weekend!
–R train
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Teen boy in suit: Wow, look at that cute girl!
Teen boy with rolling book bag: Oh, yeah… I’d like to walk next to that.
–Citibank, Forest Hills
Headline by: Trey
Runners-Up:
· “And then I’d hold the fuck out of her hand” – NJgal
· “Chicks dig my sweet wheels” – Marissa
· “I Would Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with That Like A Motherfucker” – Leland
· “I’d Carry Her Books So Hard” – Barry P.
· “I’d stick my pen in that pocket protector!” – wannabenyc
Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!
–L train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Ht-hrw
Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.
–7th & Ave A
Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.
–14th St & Union Square South
Overheard by: Almost Tourist
Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.
–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb
Overheard by: bonzo
Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.
–120th & Amsterdam
Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!
–Montrose stop
Overheard by: big baby
Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.
–Columbus Circle
Chick on cell: I don’t remember why he put the phone in the oven… I think it was to prove a point. And my mom didn’t know, so she turned the oven on and then the phone caught on fire.
–NYU trolley
Panhandler: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not trying to get drugs. I’m not trying to buy alcohol. I’m just trying to survive. It’s a hard life out there trying to sleep, and people always trying to set you on fire.
–F train
Guy with Jamaican accent: Women be causin’ the men to be committin’ adultery. Women be causin’ the men to be lustin’ after the butt. Women need to put their butt back into their pants. Women, you need to cover your butt, or it will be covered in fire.
–4 train
Overheard by: The Cannon
NYU politics professor: … So if you want to stay warm out there, you’re free to burn the flag.
–Silver Center, NYU
Guy sprinting to JAP on cell: Ma’am! You’re on fire! [Guy grabs her Vera Bradley purse, on fire from her cigarette, and throws it savagely to the ground.] I’m sorry, but I had to do that. [JAP stares blankly at him and continues cell conversation.]
–Bobst Library, NYU
Overheard by: J-Steve
Little girl: Look, Mommy! Those two girls are wearing angel wings.
Hipster chick #1: Actually, they’re fairy wings.
Little girl: Why are you wearing fairy wings?
Hipster chick #2: We just felt like wearing them for fun.
Crazy guy: Hey, ladies! Nice wings. You could definitely be my angels.
Hipster chick #1: Goddammit. They’re fucking fairy wings!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.
Headline by: International Man of Leisure
Runners-Up:
· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar
· “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren
· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster
· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W
· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine
Teen girl #1: Is it weird that I’m usually more horny when I’m on my period?
Teen girl #2: No. I am, too.
Teen girl #1: I mean, it’s really icky to masturbate, though, because blood and shit gets everywhere.
Woman on bicycle right behind them, trying to get past: Um, excuse me.
–Park Ave
Girl: If I were a lesbian, I’d totally go for her!
Guy: Who?
Girl: Priscilla! Well…I mean, if she weren’t my sister.
–M23 Bus
Overheard by: Claire
