Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!
–Chelsea
Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!
–Lafayette & Prince
Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.
–34th & 5th
Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!
–Cafeteria, Barnard College
Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: amused tourist
Aunt: Do you know what you are being?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Does it start with a b?
Child: Maybe.
Aunt: Your father calls me that all the time, you can say it…I give you permission.
Child: No.
Aunt: Is it a female dog?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Come, tell me…is it “bitch?”
Child: Yeah, I'm a being a bitch.
–Isabella's, 81st St
Overheard by: Gerald T Reiner Jr.
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! How many times have I asked you for a brother?
Mother to friend: Yeah, she's been buggin' me about having a boy.
Little girl: Yeah! And we can name him David!
Mother: David? David? Hooooo, girl! Hell no!
–Staten Island Ferry
Five-year-old tourist girl: Daddy, don’t lie to your wife!
–Deli
Overheard by: persephone
Four-year-old girl to sister: You're hitting me with your violin case!
Upper West Side mom: Anne, sometimes you have to endure a little bit of pain on the subway.
–1 Train
Toddler tourist boy, during rainstorm: Mommy, my shoe has a puddle in it.
Slightly older sister: So does everyone's. Deal with it.
–59th St & Broadway
Overheard by: she passes as a local
Conductor: Check around, make sure you have all of your belongings. If you have small children, make sure you hold onto them. (in haunting tone) Wouldn't want to see them disappear…into the gap.
–Metro-North Line
Overheard by: Jess
Train conductor on PA: The last car is the quiet car. No cell phones or loud conversations please. If you need to have a conversation, please do so silently.
–Penn Station
Conductress, in monotone: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough….in the borough of Manhattan.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Conductor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin' for the local train on the other platform: hey yo! We over here!
–14th Street Station
MTA conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train will be out of commission, uh…right now. Get out!
–MetroNorth Train
Overheard by: Kellin
Train conductor: Ladies and gentleman, brace for impact. (pause) Nah…just kidding, I could never pull that shit off. Y'all lucky we underground! Have a safe day.
–A Train
Three-year-old boy, to dad: I'mma deck you in the balls!
Dad: I'ma deck you back!
Three-year-old boy: Well, it won't hurt!
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Joyful
Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.
–Times Square
Kid: You may think of abortion like, "Oh, it’s gone!"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Emilia
Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.
–68th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Manic Mouse
Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.
–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island
Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk
Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
–W 42nd St & 8th Ave
