Girl: So, are you taking the garbage truck back home?
Boy: For the last time — Staten Islanders do not use garbage trucks for transportation!
–Flushing, Queens
Girl: So, are you taking the garbage truck back home?
Boy: For the last time — Staten Islanders do not use garbage trucks for transportation!
–Flushing, Queens
Girl, 13: What is Ellis Island, anyway?
Dad: Well, back in the olden days, a lot of boats landed there.
–Abatino’s Pizza, 40th & Broadway
Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.
–N Train
All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?
–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!
–Uptown 6 Train
Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.
–East Village Urban Outfitters
Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kip
Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.
–70th & Columbus
Overheard by: Devoted Puppy
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window.
Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost?
–2 Train
Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any candy, you can give my mom some liquor!
–Wine shop, Chelsea
Overheard by: Catherynne Valente
Cute chick on cell: Hello, Mom. I’m just calling to tell you I got a tattoo, and I’m telling you on your voicemail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me after you calm down. Bye.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Big Larry
Mom and nine-year-old daughter are walking hand-in-hand.
Daughter, shrieking: No, Mommy, please don’t buy the razor! Anything but the razor, Mommy!
–74th & Broadway
Tween girl: My mother is probably going to shit on my head.
–Broadway & 67th
Overheard by: thaler
Hipster NYU dude: She’s not my mother anymore.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: yamutha
Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!
–Church & Chambers
Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.
–Central Park, Great Lawn
Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?
–Prince St Cafe
Overheard by: It DID
Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.
–Harlem Polling Station
Overheard by: Joe
Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?
Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.
–113th St
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Dad: Hey, you hear that? That’s someone on the giant piano. Let’s go up and see it.
Seven-year-old girl: Yes, someone clearly uneducated is on the piano.
–FAO Schwarz
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Mother: Be careful, sweetie, because there are criminals everywhere in New York!
Little girl: Look! There’s a taxi full of criminals!
–Outside Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Annie Dechant
10-year-old girl in school uniform: Ew! You mean you'd still go through with it?
10-year-old boy in school uniform: Yeah! At least she'd still have a vagina!
–Park Ave & 79th St
Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.
–7th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Miss C
Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Antartic
Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.
–MoMA
Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin
12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.
–MoMA
