Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white

Is He Having a Coat Hanger Sale?

Latino #1: My wife’s been sick lately.
Latino #2: Hope she ain’t pregnant.
Latino #1: If she’s pregnant, I’m callin’ Maury Povich!

–Dallas BBQ, St. Mark’s Pl

And People Wearing Crocs Shouldn't Throw Stones

Hipster girl outside bar on Halloween: Hey–great costume! What are you?
Young woman wearing black hat, smoking alone on sidewalk: Um… thanks… it's not a costume…

–Mulberry & Prince

Overheard by: Karen S

Wednesdays Rogaine Their One-Liners

Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?

–53rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tommy a

Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.

–Grand & Orchard

Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: DI

No Thanks, I’m Full

Queer #1: What should we do tonight? Something fun.
Queer #2: We could pierce something?

–Starbucks, Lower East Side

Overheard by: nicolina

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Um, I'm Kirstie Alley.

Guy in moose costume, sarcastically, on Halloween: Like people are really gonna remember a random-ass character from Sesame Street…
Guy in Yip Yip costume: So you'd rather be a fucking moose?

–Rivington & Clinton

Overheard by: TR

It’s Hard to Get the Right Amount of Ice in Your Drink

Friend #1: I usually like nothing there.
Friend #2: I like to shave mine.
Friend #3: You shave? I pluck.
Friend #4: I just trim mine.

–Restaurant, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Missy

In a Couple of Years His Words Will Be Haunting

Old man: Enjoy your looks while you still have them.
Girl: Oh, we’ve got a long time before we have to start worrying.
Old man: No, you don’t. Just remember: men age, women rot.

–12th & B

Dear Uncle Sam– Have You Thought About Creating Food Stamps Specifically for Drugs?

Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)

–Nostrand Ave & St Mark's

Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn

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