Wednesday One-Liners Buy Hardware for Their Software

Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: J.D.

Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!

–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?

Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.

–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings

Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: MattyB

Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.

–31st St & 7th Ave

30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?

–D Train

Posted on October 29, 2008
Advice, Ass, Biotechs, Black People, Christians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.

–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th

Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!

–25th St & 7th Ave

Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Lauren

Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.

–Cooper Square

Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?

–Columbia University

Posted on October 22, 2008
Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Jesus, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Students, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Where a Urologist Would Just Pee on Them

Father: So what kind of doctor is that?
Five children (chorus): Plastic surgeon!
Father: That's right. A plastic surgeon fixes people's faces when people are on fire.

–Pike & Division

Overheard by: Jena

Posted on October 10, 2008
Dads, Default, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower East Side, Medicine, Plastic Surgery, Questions, Words

Consumers of Popular Culture Are Also Its Victims

Hispanic guy: Oh, it's just a fag.
Hispanic chick: What?
Hispanic guy: I thought it was Jason Bourne.
Hispanic chick: You thought Jason Bourne was gonna come after us?
Hispanic guy: Yeah… Hey, look–it's another tattoo place! Tonight's the night!
Both together (singing): Tonight's the night!

–Stanton & Norfolk

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Lower East Side, Movies, Tattoos

There Really Are Better Methods of Contraception

Hipster white guy: You got mad abortion issues, yo!
Hipster white chick: Yeah.

–Motor City Bar

Posted on September 15, 2008
Abortion, Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Weirdness, White People

Then You'll Want to Avoid Temptation Alley

Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to get to 7th Street?
Cop: What?
Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to go to 7th Street?
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Slightly crazy woman: I'm coming from jail!

–Mulberry & Worth

Posted on September 15, 2008
Cops, Crazies, Default, Directions, Lower East Side, Prison, Questions, Weirdness, Women

And I'm Sleeping With Your Dad!

Two high-school girls in a Super Stretch Hummer, screaming out the window with a smart-ass tone: Enjoy the movie!
Bitchy gay man in line to buy a ticket: Yeah, enjoy the fucking environment, bitch!

–Outside Sunshine Theater, E Houston St.

Overheard by: E.J.

Posted on September 11, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, Lower East Side, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Teens, Weirdness

That's Your Safe Word? Really?

Casual businessman #1: Boise's good…
Casual businessman #2: Boise's reeeaaall good…

–Houston & Ludlow

Posted on September 9, 2008
Compliments, Default, Lower East Side, Suits, U.S. Geography, Words

NewsFlash: Paddle-Shaped Girls Make S&M a Breeze

Hip girl #1: You're just jealous because the water does what I tell it to.
Hip girl #2: Yeah, but that's only because you're huge and paddle-shaped.
Hip girl #1: Hehehehehehe…
Hip girl #2: Stop, your dirty laughter is getting all over my new jacket.

–Arlene's Grocery, Stanton St

Overheard by: sophie and gabby

Posted on September 9, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hipsters, Insults, Laughter, Lower East Side, Physical appearance

Lower East Side