The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.

–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th

Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!

–25th St & 7th Ave

Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Lauren

Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.

–Cooper Square

Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?

–Columbia University

Posted on October 22, 2008
Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Jesus, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Students, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Where a Urologist Would Just Pee on Them

Father: So what kind of doctor is that?
Five children (chorus): Plastic surgeon!
Father: That's right. A plastic surgeon fixes people's faces when people are on fire.

–Pike & Division

Overheard by: Jena

Posted on October 10, 2008
Dads, Default, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower East Side, Medicine, Plastic Surgery, Questions, Words

Consumers of Popular Culture Are Also Its Victims

Hispanic guy: Oh, it's just a fag.
Hispanic chick: What?
Hispanic guy: I thought it was Jason Bourne.
Hispanic chick: You thought Jason Bourne was gonna come after us?
Hispanic guy: Yeah… Hey, look–it's another tattoo place! Tonight's the night!
Both together (singing): Tonight's the night!

–Stanton & Norfolk

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Lower East Side, Movies, Tattoos

There Really Are Better Methods of Contraception

Hipster white guy: You got mad abortion issues, yo!
Hipster white chick: Yeah.

–Motor City Bar

Posted on September 15, 2008
Abortion, Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Weirdness, White People

Then You'll Want to Avoid Temptation Alley

Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to get to 7th Street?
Cop: What?
Slightly crazy woman: Am I going in the right direction to go to 7th Street?
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Slightly crazy woman: I'm coming from jail!

–Mulberry & Worth

Posted on September 15, 2008
Cops, Crazies, Default, Directions, Lower East Side, Prison, Questions, Weirdness, Women

And I'm Sleeping With Your Dad!

Two high-school girls in a Super Stretch Hummer, screaming out the window with a smart-ass tone: Enjoy the movie!
Bitchy gay man in line to buy a ticket: Yeah, enjoy the fucking environment, bitch!

–Outside Sunshine Theater, E Houston St.

Overheard by: E.J.

Posted on September 11, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, Lower East Side, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Teens, Weirdness

That's Your Safe Word? Really?

Casual businessman #1: Boise's good…
Casual businessman #2: Boise's reeeaaall good…

–Houston & Ludlow

Posted on September 9, 2008
Compliments, Default, Lower East Side, Suits, U.S. Geography, Words

NewsFlash: Paddle-Shaped Girls Make S&M a Breeze

Hip girl #1: You're just jealous because the water does what I tell it to.
Hip girl #2: Yeah, but that's only because you're huge and paddle-shaped.
Hip girl #1: Hehehehehehe…
Hip girl #2: Stop, your dirty laughter is getting all over my new jacket.

–Arlene's Grocery, Stanton St

Overheard by: sophie and gabby

Posted on September 9, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hipsters, Insults, Laughter, Lower East Side, Physical appearance

Dandelions?

6th grader #1: Yo! Wanna go to the store and buy that new video game?
6th grader #2: Nah man, I can't. I gotta buy some weed today.

–Henry St & Clinton St

Posted on September 5, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Video Games, Weed, Weirdness

How the Hennecino Was Born

Starbucks barista (giving out some samples): Hey, would you like to sample our frappuccino?
Man with a bottle in a brown paper bag: Pssh. Nah. That shit don't go good with Hennessy.
Starbucks barista: Oh, okay. Have a good day.
Man with a bottle in a brown paper bag: Wait, sorry. That was fucked up. Do you wanna sample my Hennessy?

–Delancy & Allen, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Genia

Posted on September 4, 2008
Apologies, Baristas, Coffee, Customers, Default, Drinks, Etiquette, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Questions