How Are They Wearing Orange Cheese in Paris These Days?

Customer: You got anything for a model in here? My niece is a model, and I gotta get her something for her birthday!
Salesgirl: Yes, ma’am, we have some dresses over here.
Customer: ‘Cause she’s a model, and I gotta get her something… [holding up a scarf] is this good for a model?
Salesgirl: Well, yes, do you think she’d like those colors?
Customer: Oh, I don’t know! Who knows what these models want anyway! Do you have a knife?
Salesgirl: What?
Customer: A knife! A knife! So I can cut this open! [Produces large block of orange cheese from her coat]Salesgirl: Um, ma’am, there’s no eating in the store.
Customer: I know that! I’m not gonna eat it! I just want to open it! Jesus!
Salesgirl: Let me get my manager.

–Pookie and Sebastian, 36th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jenna Blackburn

Posted on September 18, 2006
Clerks, Crazies, Customers, Food, Manhattan, Shopping

Let Me Know When You’re Considering Women – Then I’ll Be Impressed

Queer: Dude, I’m so horny, I’m thinking about considering Asians.

–Lil’ Frankies, 1st St

Posted on September 17, 2006
Asians, Gays and Lesbians, Horny, Manhattan, One-liners, Queers, Sex

Kinda Leaves a Bad Taste in Your Mouth, Though

Man: You finally made it.
Woman: Yeah… by the time I wake up, get ready, drive to the train station, take the train, then take the subway to get here all for a ten-minute interview… it’s, like, a total rim job.
Man: Ummm… at least you made it.

–50th & 7th

Posted on September 15, 2006
Backdoor, Cars and Driving, Jobs & Careers, Kink, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Sex, Women

But I Am Also Open to the Fingers of Others

Guy: Yeah, sometimes I like to suck on my fingers.
Girl: OK.

–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer

Posted on September 15, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Topics, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.

–Time Warner Center

Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Leah Beirne

Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.

–Target, Queens Blvd

Overheard by: barbat

Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!

–52nd & 5th

Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!

–125th St

Overheard by: slightly intrigued

Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.

–24th & 7th

Overheard by: Dennis

Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Druggies, Drugs, Etiquette, Fat People, Fears, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Queens, STDs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 13, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, College, Druggies, Drugs, Fordham, Girls, Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Psychic, Queers, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Venues, Women

Look at How Stretched-Out Her Vagina Is

Boyfriend: Y’know, you can tell she was really pretty… What?

–Bodies exhibit, Fulton St

Overheard by: also stared

Posted on September 12, 2006
Beauty, Boyfriends, Manhattan, People, Places, Science, Topics, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It’s a Great Way to Pick Up the Mothers of My Future Fetuses

Ghetto Girl: I wonder how come you don’t see more men here…
Gangsta #1: Shit, ’cause they ain’t got patience for this shit. I been here for four hours!
Gangsta #2: Yo nigga, that’s why I go shopping.

–Planned Parenthood waiting room, Bleecker St

Posted on September 10, 2006
Gangstas, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, People, Places, Shopping, The Village

Another Satisfied Customer of Rib Removal Surgery

Girl #1: You wanna try some of my tuna roll?
Girl #2: No, that’s okay. I’ll just eat my box.

–Sushiya, 56th & 5th

Overheard by: Reina

Posted on September 9, 2006
Eating Out, Ethnic Food, Food, Girl-on-Girl, Girls, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Topics

Manhattan