Wednesday One-Liners Are in a Flaming Bag on Your Porch

Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.

–L train

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.

–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave

Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!

–112th & Amsterdam

Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: I went at home

Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!

–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway

Overheard by: Yesenia

8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!

–Green St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: twelvis

Posted on August 30, 2006
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Places, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Have Gender Trouble

Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.

–77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Joseph

Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.

–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St

Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!

–Times Square

Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.

–F train

Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.

–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: Aaron

Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?

–Circle Line

Overheard by: emily

Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.

–Central Park

Posted on August 30, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penis, People, Places, Poop, Private Parts, Rack, Stall Spies, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Upper East Side, Venues

He Eats Some of Them While They’re Still Alive

PETA activist: Excuse me, do you love animals?
Smart-Ass queer: Yes…They’re delicious.
PETA activist: Murderer!!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: very entertained carnivore

Posted on August 29, 2006
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Favorites, Manhattan, Places, Queers, Topics, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence

If at First You Don’t Succeed…

Halter-Top #1, screaming into cell: We’re on 10th and One. One. One!
Halter-Top #2: Just tell him we’re at 10th and one!
Halter-Top #1: One! [Pause] Oh, First? Is that what it’s called?

–10th & 1st

Posted on August 29, 2006
Manhattan, NYC Geography, On Cell, Places, Union Square and East Village

He Sat Quietly as the Train Carried Him Deep Into the Earth

Woman: So the subway in Abu Dhabi is pretty convenient?
Man: Yeah, but the only thing I don’t understand is how they can put a subway on an island.
Woman, after a long pause: Think about it.

–1 train, Christopher St

Posted on August 25, 2006
Global Geography, Manhattan, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village

As Long as She Pronounces That Second ‘R,’ Everything Should Be Fine

Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that’s just a brother for you.

Security guard looks uncomfortable.

Mother, quickly: I mean, that’s just a brother’s job, right?

–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave

Overheard by: vivienne

Posted on August 24, 2006
Black People, Brothers, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, People, Places, Race

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 23, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Grand Central, History & Geography, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Waiters

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

When Publicists Get Into the Catnip

Mandy Moore: So, what’s the plan for the party?
Publicist: So, I was thinking, you show up at the party, right? And they check your name or whatever, and then, get this, a clown escorts you to your table.
Mandy Moore: A clown?
Publicist: I know, right?

–Elevator, The Archive Building, Greenwich & Christopher

Posted on August 22, 2006
A-List, Buildings, Celebrities, Elevators, Manhattan, People, Places, The Village, Venues

I Went With My Design Group

Law student #1: So where you going after the test?
Law student #2: I’m going to East Africa for 2 months. Last time I was there, they made me an honorary Maori tribesman.
Law student #1: Wow, you’ve gotta be the first gay, white honorary Maori tribesman ever.
Law student #2: Yeah, or at least one of the first 5.

–Bar exam line, Javits Center

Overheard by: AP

Posted on August 17, 2006
Lawyers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queers, Travel, White People

Manhattan