Clerk #1: Man, that’s why medicine has a expiration date. The ingredients go inactive.
Clerk #2: Nigga, are you a licensed physician or somethin’?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 93rd
Clerk #1: Man, that’s why medicine has a expiration date. The ingredients go inactive.
Clerk #2: Nigga, are you a licensed physician or somethin’?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 93rd
Girl #1: What the shit? They have dog lip chap?
Girl #2: That reminds me, I need to pick some up. Andy’s dick chafes my lips so bad.
–Le Chien
Overheard by: Amy Araya
Young guy to his friend: As least if she’s got diarrhea, I won’t need the lube.
Friend: Dude. That’s gross. Like I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Guy: Well I mean it sounds gross and if you get past the smell, it’s pretty kick ass. Awesome texture man!
Friend: You’ve done this before?!
Guy: The first time, I didn’t want to. But afterwards, I was thinking of sneaking her laxatives cuz it was so rad. But dude! I lucked out, she has digestive issues!
Friend: What the hell did NYU do to you?
–F Train
Woman: Excuse me, miss… Can I ask you a question?
Chick: Um, sure.
Woman: This might sound kind of strange, but I have a patient that looks just like you and… Have you ever considered donating your eggs?
–Brooklyn-bound L train
JAP getting off at Berkeley Heights: I was getting anxious about getting anxious! It was like I had anxiety about getting anxiety! What? No, the pills aren’t for that. Shut up, Mom! I’ll call you later.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: embarrassed to live in jersey
JAP on cell: You know, it just goes to show you how sensitive we’ve become in this country to sexual misconduct and sexual… Sexual… What’s the word? Being sued.
–116th & Broadway
JAP on cell: … And then I totally just, like, bought it at Bergdorf’s… No, no! Not Bloomingdale’s — Bergdorf’s! You know, as in Bergdorf Cohen’s?
–serendipipty
Blonde JAP: Like, this is totally tighter than my colonoscopy. Ugh!
–Crowded A train
JAP on cell: Oh, that guy? I think he lost interest in me. One day I said something about how all the girls on the Upper East Side look the same and are totally boring, and he said, ‘But yeah! That’s you, too!’
–83rd & 3rd
Overheard by: A&M
Blonde WASP: Yeah, and Kristen’s hot!
Brunette WASP: But only once you get to know her…
Blonde WASP: Yeah, you’re totally right… She kinda looks like Marilyn Manson.
Brunette WASP: Oh my god, it’s true! But in a hot way.
Blonde WASP, later on: He totally had to get a septuplet bypass.
Brunette WASP: That sounds so bad.
Blonde WASP: Yeah, they take veins from your leg! He was so fat.
–N train
Overheard by: JayTro
Older woman to cashier: Well, I had one of those, one of those… ummm… X-rays? MRIs?
Hipster in line: Mammogram?
Older woman: That’s it! I don’t have the cancer.
–99 Cent Store, near Devoe
Overheard by: I love MRI pics
Professor: If you are selected, meet me and talk to me about the presentation on Thursday, and you can take advantage of me. [Awkward pause, then] If you want to rape me, you are welcome to try, but I don’t think so because I am pretty strong.
–NYU
Overheard by: Ting
Political philosophy professor after oral surgery: I had a choice to make: I could have stayed home like a happy clam on Percocet, or I could teach class… I miss the Percocet.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
Computer science professor: They [people who figured out which mushrooms were poisonous] were the true pioneers. Screw Edison!
–NYU
Professor: Don’t get too excited — I’m not putting you into groups. Yeah, I saw you all sitting there, looking around, thinking ‘Which of these fuckers is going to do all of the work?’
–Fordham University
Professor: Okay, you guys fill out these course evaluations, and I’ll go amuse myself for 15 minutes by… doing drugs or something [leaves room].
–Waverly Building, NYU
Overheard by: evanescent
English professor: I can never find enough excuses to use the word ‘pus.’
–Hunter College
Overheard by: upperwestsider
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Man, their last concert was so great — I got hospitalized right after.
20-ish music enthusiast #2: Seriously?!
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Yeah, man. I guess I suffered some abdominal tearing…
–Metro-North
Overheard by: gotta start driving to work again…
Suit: Do you have any headache medication?
Production assistant pulling random stuff out of pockets: Yeah, sure. Do you have a headache?
Suit: No, but I might later… Oooh! Band-Aids!
–Universal Studios kitchen
Overheard by: Gunther
