Twelve-year-old boy: How do you know they don’t have kid’s sizes?
Mom: I just know they don’t.
Kid: But how do you know?!
Mom, impatient: I know!
–Christopher St., in front of Gay Leather Fetish Shop
Twelve-year-old boy: How do you know they don’t have kid’s sizes?
Mom: I just know they don’t.
Kid: But how do you know?!
Mom, impatient: I know!
–Christopher St., in front of Gay Leather Fetish Shop
Daughter: I was a needle!
Mom: How were you a needle?
Daughter: I was a cute needle!
–10th & 6th Ave
Stagehand: I’m telling you, in my next life I’m gonna be a yeti impersonator, and it’s gonna be great!
–Lincoln Center
Curly-haired woman on cell: The gnomes you’ll be seeing are among the friendliest, I think.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Crazy hobo, walking down the street: I bought Jesus! I bought Santa Claus! I bought the tooth fairy!
–Parsons, 40th & 7th ave
College girl to friend, pointing at native-american diorama: Oh look, they even have mermaids here! [walks closer and sees mannequin’s feet.] Never mind, it’s not a mermaid!
–Museum of Natural History
Yuppie mom, to toddler son: You can live on the upper west side and I’ll be the tooth fairy!
–Times Square Subway
Overheard by: Lillian
Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.
–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.
–JFK
Overheard by: Jen
Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!
–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St
Overheard by: PetRunner
Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy
Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.
–Tompkins Square Park
Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?
–The Food Emporium, 88th St
Overheard by: charlotte
Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???
–53rd & 9th
Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen
Mother: Oh, guess what, honey? Debbie’s having a baby!
Six-year-old daughter: She’s going to be a horrible mother.
–The Met
Young girl playing with blocks at a doctor’s waiting room: And my teacher is mad gay. Mad gay.
Mother: Why do you say that?
Young girl: He just is. And like, whatever. I don’t care about gay people, but like I don’t want a gay teacher. And what’s even worse: He’s a virgin.
Mother: Lot’s of people are virgins, sweetie.
Young girl: Whatever, that’s just pathetic.
–Coney Island Ave, Brooklyn
Daughter, looking at “NJ Transit” sign: Why does it say we’re in New Jersey?!
Mother: Aren’t we?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jay
Mother to six-year-old girl: Tomorrow we’re going to the doctor’s office, then to the dentist…
Six-year-old, whispering: Mmommy, I don’t want to go. [louder] They take my my blood. My blood!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Garrett
Little girl, adorably: So, this hand is right and this one is left?
Mom: No, it’s the other way around.
Little girl: But you said before! You said this was the right and this was the left!
Mom: Well, if I’m facing you –
Little girl, exasperated : Mother, I really don’t want to talk to you about this anymore.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Marissa
Hot soccer mom: Yesterday his mother actually asked me if I own a can opener! Do you believe that? What a bitch. She lives to put me down.
Friend: Wait… So you do own a can opener?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: that girl
