We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Unlike Most McDonald’s Salads

Four-year-old boy to mom eating a Big Mac: Mommy, can I try some?
Mom: You won’t like it. It tastes like salad.

–McDonald’s, Broadway b/w Waverly and Astor Place

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on May 17, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

And Has to Sober Up to Drive Home

[Woman walks into restroom with two small girls. Girls notice puke on the floor.]Girl #1: Mommy, what’s that?
Mom: That’s puke.
Girl #2: Why did she puke?
Mom: She probably didn’t feel well. Mommy’s going to do that later because mommy’s had way too much to drink!

–T.G.I. Friday’s, Staten Island

Overheard by: Did I just hear that?

Posted on May 10, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Vomit, Weirdness

I Have to Pregame Before I Can Shop With You

Mother: Are you still drunk?
Daughter: I wasn’t drunk yesterday!

–71st St & Broadway, Queens

Posted on May 4, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Moms, Parents, Queens, Questions

When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

The Law School Is Right around the Corner

Mother, to young son running up steps: Come back down!
[Boy sits down on top step.]Mother: We can go look for some worms!
[Boy thinks for a minute.]Boy: Ok! [goes back down.]

–Columbia University

Posted on May 1, 2008
Animals & Nature, Boys, Columbia University, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents

And Quit Brandishing That Anal Probe

[A Girl is running ahead of her mom and yelling.]Mom: Get back here!
[Girl continues her rowdy behavior.]Little girl: No! Ahhhhh!
Mom: Stop yelling like that! You’re going to scare the humans.

–59th & Lex

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Upper East Side, Words

But You Were So Supportive About the Red Dress!

Twelve-year-old boy: How do you know they don’t have kid’s sizes?
Mom: I just know they don’t.
Kid: But how do you know?!
Mom, impatient: I know!

–Christopher St., in front of Gay Leather Fetish Shop

Posted on April 28, 2008
Boys, Clothing, Default, Moms, Questions, Tweens, West Village, Wishes & desires

Marge Began to Regret Giving Her Daughter Whiskey As a Baby

Daughter: I was a needle!
Mom: How were you a needle?
Daughter: I was a cute needle!

–10th & 6th Ave

Posted on April 24, 2008
Compliments, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Stagehand: I’m telling you, in my next life I’m gonna be a yeti impersonator, and it’s gonna be great!

–Lincoln Center

Curly-haired woman on cell: The gnomes you’ll be seeing are among the friendliest, I think.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Crazy hobo, walking down the street: I bought Jesus! I bought Santa Claus! I bought the tooth fairy!

–Parsons, 40th & 7th ave

College girl to friend, pointing at native-american diorama: Oh look, they even have mermaids here! [walks closer and sees mannequin’s feet.] Never mind, it’s not a mermaid!

–Museum of Natural History

Yuppie mom, to toddler son: You can live on the upper west side and I’ll be the tooth fairy!

–Times Square Subway

Overheard by: Lillian

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Happiness, Hobos, Holidays, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Museum of Natural History, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Yuppies

Moms

But You Were So Supportive About the Red Dress!